Friday, January 30, 2009

I Hope I Challenge Me

Today I went to a meeting at the library. It was really weird. Out of about fifteen people, I was the only person there under the age of 20. I met some nice people, and learned a lot about how the library works and where it is going, but I was by far the dumbest person there. I did contribute a little, though. My discussion group was on "Diversity" (yes, I volunteered for that group, don't kill me) and I did help somewhat with brainstorming how to integrate that into the county's library system. The biggest thing I got from this meeting was how much the staff loves the library as much as the patrons. They truly are happy to be working there and enthusiastic about making it a better place. I did get a little choked up when I realized that that could be me...and I'm not taking it. I know that God's plan is the right plan, and that's what I really want, but I've never felt so inspired to WORK HARD as the times when I see what librarians can do and get to do. I feel a little like I'm missing out. But not enough to pursue that when I know I won't have time for a career and still be dedicated to my future family. Not a lot of careerist homeschool moms out there.

My birthday is coming up. I think I'm going to just have us go bowling; does that sound okay to you? This will be my last birthday party, in fact I feel too old for it now. But I might as well have one for my eighteenth and then be done with that. :)

Tomorrow is dinner at the Parks house. A few months ago, this would've brought a huge smile to my face and lots of ideas of what Michelle and I can do while I'm there to have crazy fun and maybe finagle a sleepover afterwards. ^^ But now it's different somehow...I don't know that either of us have changed all that much, but--well I take that back. One of us or both must've changed somehow for me to feel like our friendship is different. Maybe it's a part of growing up; Michelle is still very much a teenager and living life in the moment. I do that too, but I think that parts of me are starting to become the person I will be for my whole life. In a week I'll be legally an adult. Isn't it time I start thinking like one?

I got The Two Towers soundtrack from the library today. It's immense. The quality of the disk is crap, though (of course it is, it's from the public library), so it's hard to get into the more emotional parts when you have a "tch tch tch" going in the background constantly. -_- Speaking of Middle-Earth, I started The Silmarillion today. It's from the First Age, which is thousands of years before the Third Age, in which the Lord of the Rings takes place. So far it's interesting; I think I just love having a book to hold and call my own.

The other day, when I went to my bookshelf to get it (Silmarillion), I saw in front of my books someone had put a picture frame. Not really a big thing, it was probably in the way somewhere and got stashed the first place seen. But in the picture frame was a photo of Noah. Even after three months of being resigned to having lost these friends of mine, it broke open anew. I wept for Noah, I wept for Melinda. When will I be able to get past this, if even now it draws tears? I can sort of see how people get loathe to make new friendships or become close to someone, when having them ripped away from you is one of the most painful experiences I can even think of.

I can see my bedroom floor. That is a big deal if you know my room. o.O

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5 Comments:

At 3:25 AM PST , Blogger Jeff said...

If you feel like yer missing out on being a librarian, you may want to think more about what you really want to do with yer life. It's up to you. Yes God has detailed outlines for general roles for men and women, but what you do with yer individual life is, or can be, separate from that in some ways. I've learned from my 21 years on this wretched planet that if yer mind isn't in something all the way, it won't happen, at least it wont happen nicely. Yup, it's true.

My opinion, albeit small heh, is that bowling is a hard-to-tire great idea fer yer last b-day party. If the weather's nice this weekend I may be taking my bike class which is all weekend long, but I don't know when yer party is *shrugs*. Anyway, it sounds really fun. And I probly won't take the class if yer party is during the time that it would be.

I know all to well what you may be feeling about Michelle. Yknow I don't see anything wrong with being goofy and all that, but when someone really only has the goofball in them and nothing else, it's hard to be around them more of the time. Being an adult has this dumb, false connotation that yer automatically boring and lame and dumb.. I hate that.

As for yer last paragraph, I have only one thing to say. It may be worldly advice, but it's still something I find myself living by, and in more situation types than just one: "Putting yourself vulnerably out in the open to love people is a game of chance. There's a risk involved that will usually result in an unfavorable outcome. But much better to have taken a risk and love, then to never be loved or get the chance." Yea ok, I probly butchered it, but I think it's a popular saying. I realize now after typing that I think it's used for dating or something dumb, but I'm using it in just a person-to-person context. Cuz really, if people don't take this advice they're kinda gonna be solo forever and have no friends.

 
At 1:50 PM PST , Blogger emily...♫ said...

To be a librarian, you need a Masters degree. The school costs and time, plus the amount of dedication it takes to actually be a librarian (you're constantly having to learn new ways of doing things). I don't think that I could afford or handle that. I'm setting my priorities differently.

I'm not sure when we would go; I'll try to find a time when you won't be at a class, because I really want you to be there.

I believe the technical phraseology of that maxim you were trying to recall would be "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I agree with that, but not entirely. I would never become reclusive or something like that, but I'm just saying that I can see how it would be easy for that to happen.

 
At 2:49 PM PST , Blogger Jeff said...

Being a librarian sounds tuff. But sometimes the best thing (for someone particular) is the hardest for them to do. Setting priories is whut life is all about, especially when yer on yer own.

The class is really long and is like 8 hours each day, but it starts early so it should be fine IF I take it that weekend. I can't miss yer party tho!!

You got that phrase better than I did, and you were home schooled and I was public schooled and exposed to everything. That's a slam right to my eye lids. Anyway I can see how that would happen, too, but I don't think people should make decisions based on the fact they may lose someone's friendship. Everyone's different and makes choices accordingly, so it's up to them. But all I know is what I've thought and been thru and I'm glad I don't make choices like that anymore for myself.

 
At 4:51 PM PST , Blogger emily...♫ said...

How early does it start? Let me know quick so I can work around it. :)

 
At 5:56 PM PST , Blogger Jeff said...

Okie dokie.

Fri: 6-9PM (also a doc visit @ 3PM)
Sat: 7:30-2:30PM
Sun: 7:30-3:30PM

I should know in a few more days if I'll sign up for it or not.

 

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