I Hope I Challenge Me

Today I went to a meeting at the library. It was really weird. Out of about fifteen people, I was the only person there under the age of 20. I met some nice people, and learned a lot about how the library works and where it is going, but I was by far the dumbest person there. I did contribute a little, though. My discussion group was on "Diversity" (yes, I volunteered for that group, don't kill me) and I did help somewhat with brainstorming how to integrate that into the county's library system. The biggest thing I got from this meeting was how much the staff loves the library as much as the patrons. They truly are happy to be working there and enthusiastic about making it a better place. I did get a little choked up when I realized that that could be me...and I'm not taking it. I know that God's plan is the right plan, and that's what I really want, but I've never felt so inspired to WORK HARD as the times when I see what librarians can do and get to do. I feel a little like I'm missing out. But not enough to pursue that when I know I won't have time for a career and still be dedicated to my future family. Not a lot of careerist homeschool moms out there.

My birthday is coming up. I think I'm going to just have us go bowling; does that sound okay to you? This will be my last birthday party, in fact I feel too old for it now. But I might as well have one for my eighteenth and then be done with that. :)

Tomorrow is dinner at the Parks house. A few months ago, this would've brought a huge smile to my face and lots of ideas of what Michelle and I can do while I'm there to have crazy fun and maybe finagle a sleepover afterwards. ^^ But now it's different somehow...I don't know that either of us have changed all that much, but--well I take that back. One of us or both must've changed somehow for me to feel like our friendship is different. Maybe it's a part of growing up; Michelle is still very much a teenager and living life in the moment. I do that too, but I think that parts of me are starting to become the person I will be for my whole life. In a week I'll be legally an adult. Isn't it time I start thinking like one?

I got The Two Towers soundtrack from the library today. It's immense. The quality of the disk is crap, though (of course it is, it's from the public library), so it's hard to get into the more emotional parts when you have a "tch tch tch" going in the background constantly. -_- Speaking of Middle-Earth, I started The Silmarillion today. It's from the First Age, which is thousands of years before the Third Age, in which the Lord of the Rings takes place. So far it's interesting; I think I just love having a book to hold and call my own.

The other day, when I went to my bookshelf to get it (Silmarillion), I saw in front of my books someone had put a picture frame. Not really a big thing, it was probably in the way somewhere and got stashed the first place seen. But in the picture frame was a photo of Noah. Even after three months of being resigned to having lost these friends of mine, it broke open anew. I wept for Noah, I wept for Melinda. When will I be able to get past this, if even now it draws tears? I can sort of see how people get loathe to make new friendships or become close to someone, when having them ripped away from you is one of the most painful experiences I can even think of.

I can see my bedroom floor. That is a big deal if you know my room. o.O