Forelorn

I finish school very quickly these days. Makes me feel not as bad about starting really late in the mornings. :)

I was thinking last night and talking with Lily about my writing. Writing used to be my lifeblood. I would wake up in the middle of the night and grab a notebook, writing in the dark if I had to, just to get a great idea down on paper. I would transfer whatever was jumbling my feelings into something coherent on paper. Writing was like therapy for me, I guess. But now...it feels like an estranged friend. Someone that you miss because you haven't seen them in forever. Then one day you call them up and say, "Hey, let's get together." But when you sit down with them at the coffee shop, you just keep thinking to yourself, I do not know this person. What happened to our friendship? Is it even possible to bring it back? This is how I feel about my writing. Like I lost my connection to it. Was I lying to myself back when I thought I had potential? Or did I waste it all, and now it's gone forever?

This has come to my mind as lately I have been having different conflicting thoughts. I want to work it all out and be able to look at it objectively in writing. Or maybe, if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that I just want to romanticize it away and make my own confusion sound noble in a poem. But then there's the conflict. I am trying--well, maybe this branches into territory that would be better kept to myself. Like I said previously, I'm going to dam up the river of complaints to you guys. Sound good to you? It does to me. Kind of.

Do you like Skillet? They are an amazing band. Christian band too! It's sort of rare that I find a Christian band that has talent...not saying that to disparage worship songs, of course! It's just that, in the words of one singer, "Whatever the secular guys were making yesterday, that's what the Christians are making today." It's sadly true. It all sound the same. All sounds like cool-guy posers who want to reconcile their Christian audience to a mainstream audience. That's why I like it when I find a genuinely God-fearing group that just MAKES MUSIC. They just let their love of Christ flow into a beautiful outlet called rock music. Here's one of their songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1Vo7NOpKoE

The more I think about it, the more I really want to learn to ice skate. Just the gliding along is a great feeling...imagine what it must be like to own the ice with your skates! The combination of speed, grace, and working your butt off is amazing.

I Hope I Challenge Me

Today I went to a meeting at the library. It was really weird. Out of about fifteen people, I was the only person there under the age of 20. I met some nice people, and learned a lot about how the library works and where it is going, but I was by far the dumbest person there. I did contribute a little, though. My discussion group was on "Diversity" (yes, I volunteered for that group, don't kill me) and I did help somewhat with brainstorming how to integrate that into the county's library system. The biggest thing I got from this meeting was how much the staff loves the library as much as the patrons. They truly are happy to be working there and enthusiastic about making it a better place. I did get a little choked up when I realized that that could be me...and I'm not taking it. I know that God's plan is the right plan, and that's what I really want, but I've never felt so inspired to WORK HARD as the times when I see what librarians can do and get to do. I feel a little like I'm missing out. But not enough to pursue that when I know I won't have time for a career and still be dedicated to my future family. Not a lot of careerist homeschool moms out there.

My birthday is coming up. I think I'm going to just have us go bowling; does that sound okay to you? This will be my last birthday party, in fact I feel too old for it now. But I might as well have one for my eighteenth and then be done with that. :)

Tomorrow is dinner at the Parks house. A few months ago, this would've brought a huge smile to my face and lots of ideas of what Michelle and I can do while I'm there to have crazy fun and maybe finagle a sleepover afterwards. ^^ But now it's different somehow...I don't know that either of us have changed all that much, but--well I take that back. One of us or both must've changed somehow for me to feel like our friendship is different. Maybe it's a part of growing up; Michelle is still very much a teenager and living life in the moment. I do that too, but I think that parts of me are starting to become the person I will be for my whole life. In a week I'll be legally an adult. Isn't it time I start thinking like one?

I got The Two Towers soundtrack from the library today. It's immense. The quality of the disk is crap, though (of course it is, it's from the public library), so it's hard to get into the more emotional parts when you have a "tch tch tch" going in the background constantly. -_- Speaking of Middle-Earth, I started The Silmarillion today. It's from the First Age, which is thousands of years before the Third Age, in which the Lord of the Rings takes place. So far it's interesting; I think I just love having a book to hold and call my own.

The other day, when I went to my bookshelf to get it (Silmarillion), I saw in front of my books someone had put a picture frame. Not really a big thing, it was probably in the way somewhere and got stashed the first place seen. But in the picture frame was a photo of Noah. Even after three months of being resigned to having lost these friends of mine, it broke open anew. I wept for Noah, I wept for Melinda. When will I be able to get past this, if even now it draws tears? I can sort of see how people get loathe to make new friendships or become close to someone, when having them ripped away from you is one of the most painful experiences I can even think of.

I can see my bedroom floor. That is a big deal if you know my room. o.O

Szechuan BURNING

Mom brought home the leftover Szechuan chicken and it's burning my lips like crazy! 8( Oh well, at least the dinner I made at HOME was good. Pasta alfredo with mushrooms. Yummy stuff (even though Lily said it was yucky). ^^

The bandage is off my finger, and now I'm looking at a nasty jagged line of stitches. Plus the finger is swelling up. Plus there's a couple weird bluish spots. I guess you probably didn't want to know about my creepy finger problems...sorry. XP

Today school was super-easy again, which I'm guessing it will be tomorrow too. Maybe these stitches aren't so bad after all. :) I'm counting down to the END of this school year...which means the end of high school!!! :D That's very exciting for me. Homeschooling has been a great experience, but it's starting to get to me. Being cooped up for so long can make a person crazy...jk (mostly). We already know that my fall into madness came quite a while ago, so the damage is done. :(

Mom and Dad went to dinner with the Gottwalds, who they hadn't seen for quite a while. Pray for Mike; his cancer is getting pretty advanced. Pray that he would find comfort in the Lord during his time left here.

While they were at dinner, I listened to a lot of music and chatted on Facebook with Jeff for most of the evening. That was pretty fun; now he's going to Albertsons so I'm here blogging...Bill also got a little crazy. She talks so funny online. X)

I think we're going to try to do something for a going-away type thing for Greg and Ethan on Sunday. I'm sorta counting on Ben reading this, since I forgot to call him today. And Jeff, you're invited too. Since you guys basically make up the extent of my readership (except for Washingtonians), I'll put the invite up here: we don't really know what we're doing yet, but we might hang out at my house or go to Park Lanes or something. Whatever we do, it won't be expensive. :) Do you want to come?

My fingers are so cold...breathing on them doesn't help. :'(

I printed off some piano music for Bill today. I got her Ice Dance, You Raise Me Up, and her favorite song...Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger! I hope she learns Ice Dance...Edward Scissorhands is one of the best movies ever. (Obligatory watch-with-someone-who-knows-the-scene-to-skip comment...)

Please sing me a song. I have Poker Face stuck in my head, and I think I've had about enough "mu-mu-mu-mah" for one day!

Ain't No Other Man (it's a survey, you should try it lol)

THE RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4: The Neverland Rule: Write down whatever snarky returns come to your mind afterward.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
Maybe I'm Amazed (possibly?)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Orphans (aaaah noooo!)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) (uummm maybe I guess)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Hallelujah (I wish I did)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Why Does It Always Rain on Me? (oh yes this does fit)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Somewhere Only We Know (that's stupid)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Jet (well do you?)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
100 Years (ahahaha that's just what it feels like mom!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
Superman (It's Not Easy) (lol no but it's a good answer)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Last Goodbye (huh?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Ooh Aah (hahaha that's interesting)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Emily (omg rofl!!! No I'm not in love with myself...)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Violet Hill (deep? or lame)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
I Will Buy You a New Life (hopefully maybe no yes perhaps)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Jump Around (WTH LOL!!! that isn't exactly what I think...)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Hey Ya! (OMG YES I WILL TOTALLY!!!!!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
My Love (ummm ok then. Not sure about that)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Chicks Dig It (aaaahahaha some of them)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Ain't No Other Man (well then ok I will)

Lazing.

Is lazing a word? As in, "I'm just lazing around," or "There's got to be more to do than lazing!" Yes, it is a word.
And that's all I'm really doing right now. I did my morning chores...*huge yawn* and listened to some music...fun but I ALWAYS do that. I'm beginning to think that my brain is powered by listening to songs, because I get this weird jitterish feeling when my house is silent. And then when I turn on some songs, my whole mind just feels better.
I saw WALL•E on Saturday! It was sooooooo sweet and very incredibly animated. The characters said practically nothing for most of the movie, but that's ok. The story was just as good without dialog, seriously. And the little Pixar short before the movie...absolutely priceless! I don't think my dad and I have laughed that hard at slapstick for a long long time. Aaron and Lily weren't QUITE as thrilled about the movie as I was, but I think they like it.
Sunday's GBI was like a graveyard. With all the people on vacation, there were a total of like, 15 attenders! That included the babysitters with the kids. I got this warm fuzzy feeling during my kid-watching time. When I walked in the nursery, Caleb Smith asked, "Are you the next nursery shift?" I said yes, and all the kids cheered and jumped around! Made me feel really happy.☺☺☺
Today is Rebekah's birthday party. I still haven't gotten her a prezzie, so we'll pick one up on the way over there. I love that kid! She's so sweet and gentle. And she said I'm still her best friend. Another happy moment...kids rock!
Yesterday Aaron and I made cherry-rose petal preserves. It was pretty time-consuming, and it basically tastes like cherry jelly. With a hint of rose fragrance. But oh-well, it gave us an excuse to dress up in face masks and be the...COOKING NINJAS!!! We were going to videotape it and put it on YouTube, but it didn't turn out to very interesting videos. So scratch that.
Right now Lily's reading the Bible, Mom's at coffee with friends, Aaron's playing RuneScape, and I'm finishing this blog. A pretty average Tuesday.
Later, fiends--er, friends!

No title coming to mind

So Michelle spent the night after the party on the 4th. *sniff* They're going to Colorado for a couple weeks, so it'll be the last one for a while. I don't like it when friends leave, even for such a short time. Makes me depressed.

Anyway. After church, I went with Megan and her family to a park type thing. We were going to swim the creek, but it was c-c-cold! So we sat around the fire and ate Polish sausage. Quite a good backup plan. Her grandparents told us that marshmallows have pig fat in them! That is so weird and pretty GROSS.
I'm listening to a playlist I made called "Delightfully Cheesy Songs." It's so marvelous! It has stuff like Barry Manilow, N*SYNC, Styx, even Carman! hehe very very cheesy stuff. Right now it's playing Strange Magic by Electric Light Orchestra.

Ok, talk to you great people later.

It's Time to Tell the World...

...that today is sunny! Yee-ha. Yesterday I vacuumed the car. Double yee-ha! I also watched Alice in Wonderland. Not the Disney cartoon...but the WAY better live action one. I think it was actually made for TV by Hallmark, but it's BAZOOOKA GREAT! If anybody's seen Napoleon Dynamite, you know the girl who plays Deb? She played Alice in this version when she was younger. I ♥ it.

Last Tuesday I had chicken adobo at the Tuesday Market, and now I'm addicted. It's a Filipino dish of really tender seasoned chicken over rice. They served me a heaping bowl for $5.50 and I scarfed it faster than anything. I got a recipe off the net and will make it sometime. Maybe some of you fine folks can come to my house and eat it with me! Huzzah!

I have a song stuck in my head. Care to share in my misery? It's Weapon of Choice by Fatboy Slim. Listen to it; you'll love it then hate it because IT NEVER LEAVES. Tony played it on our comp when they came for dinner Sunday. Speaking of which, I like the Varelas. Very very very nice people, and all of them hecka funny. Except it was too bad that Jordan couldn't come. He was at football camp or some such crap.

Here's the question of the day: why do children tattle? In my opinion, there are several possible explanations. What do you think?

An Actual Day

Today I didn't sit around being pointless!!! Here is a fairly exhaustive list of my activities of the day:

I did some cooking. This was basically just doing what Mom tells me to do as she cooks, but it was something.
I vacuumed. Self-explanatory.
I dusted. That was mildly fun because I got to listen to my French CD as I danced around with the duster.
I washed the windows. That was fun at first, because I'd never done it before and I swirled the rag around in time with Will Smith's AWESOME track "Switch." Then my arm got really tired and it wasn't fun anymore. But I finished it and now the windows are pretty clean.☺
I moved some plants around. That was because Bama is feeling pretty benevolent and wants to give Mommy a planter full of plants (well I guess there's nothing else it would be full of), so I put it on the deck.
I hooked up my karaoke machine to the TV, which was surprisingly easy. I just hope that Dad isn't mad when the DVD player doesn't work tonight....
I sang on the karaoke machine to make sure it works. That was fun, except I think I gave a headache to my poor mother and sister. And I'm sure poor Frank Sinatra never wanted his songs to be treated so disgracefully.

Tonight Daddy is taking Lily and me out to buy Mommy a birthday present. I know what I want to get her; the only thing I'm worried about is whether or not the store will have it (and whether or not Mom already has it!)
I've gotten back into writing, and now I'm addicted to my own story. It's a good feeling.

Hey Mush!

What in the world were you thinking?!? I didn't even see that huge horse coming from 80 miles away. Dogs will be dogs, and kings will be fools. But that doesn't mean we have to feel farther than the sunlight...knife cuts don't matter to brain history anyway.

Blow your bangs out of your face; it's hardly worth the salt and birthrights. I was watching nails pound pound pound yesterday! Her teeth grinding, his fingers burning, my eyes bleeding???? Never!

Yet...it is a phenomenon that creates wishful thinking. Lights in the grass won't change bare eyelashes. Don't tell: I saw the shoulders rising higher HIGHER higher on this pool. YOU CARE!!!! YOU CARE NOT!!!! Ferris wheel dreams aren't as full of laughter as we thought, are they? White and black lovers hiding...I can't stop imagining their torn history of red threads.

HOLY--
HOLY--
HOLY--
HOLY--
HOLY--
nothing.

The Phantom of the Opera

I've been completely GORGING myself on the movie version of The Phantom of the Opera. I watched it Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and I loved it each time! The music, which I'd of course heard before, still was effective and incredibly moving. The atmosphere of gothic beauty and eeriness was so gorgeously sensual!
Of course, my favorite part of the movie was the Phantom himself (his name is Erik, but the movie just names him as The Phantom). It really struck me that every time he sang to Christine, she went under this complete spell of attraction, even when she was terrified of him. I suppose I can identify with that...♥ The anger in his voice that was almost permanent was electrifying!
The other characters were a mixed bag. Christine Daae was beautiful and vulnerable and everything she should be. Her blend of youth and womanliness was lovely, and her voice--incredible! I could hardly believe that Emmy Rossum (the girl who plays her) was only 18 years old in this role!
Raoul, on the other hand, well...I wasn't so into him. There was something unmistakably feminine about that ridiculous haircut, and it bothered me intensely that he was so skeptical about the very existence of the Phantom. He seemed to automatically assume that Christine was a fanciful child who believed in fairytales--and yet she was so quick to fall in love with the "insolent boy, this slave of fashion"! But in the end, I suppose I must support his unfailing goodness. But what can I say; I'm a girl who loves the bad boys.
The entire movie was a feast, plain and simple. I can't recommend it to men, in that there is an excessive amount of low-cut dresses. But it's a chick flick anyways, so, girls, indulge yourselves in the music of the night.

*crunch* smack of death

I will not be posting for a very long time. So I must post now to explain and make up for missed time in the future.

I won't be able to because I'm getting banned from the computer, starting TONIGHT. Why? I, uh, well...let's just say that my parents set specific boundaries on *something* and I overstepped them HUGELY. So yeah, my dad said he wants the punishment to sting. And this will sting. Bad. Especially if I can't use Rhapsody either. Ouch, this is sounding even worse than I thought!

I painted farm animals on my fingernails. A piggy, a chicken, and a mousy! Hehe, I'll hafta take them off before church on Sunday though. That would look really dumb.

I really don't know what to post today, since nothing much has changed. But I feel like I should because I won't be able to for a long long time. *gasp* Maybe not all summer! :O

I have a list going of all the movies I want to see: Spidey 3, Shrek the Third, Pirates 3, and Ratatouille. I will mos def see Ratatouille, because I've seen every Pixar movie in theaters since Toy Story (still one of my faves).

I looked at the Oscars online today, and I couldn't even believe that Happy Feet won an Oscar over Cars! That's pretty retarded. But at least Helen Mirren got Best Actress and DMC got Best Special Effects. Did you guys see The Queen? I think you'd like it; it's really good. The only issue is language, but we have a language box anyway. I was actually surprised that I liked it, since it doesn't fall under any of the categories I'm usually interested in (meaning, it's not a comedy, romance, action, or mystery).

I am still fuming that Melinda was voted off of Idol on Wednesday!!! How is that possible? She rocked so amazing! I hope Blake doesn't win. Yes, I know, this sounds paradoxical to my other post on American Idol. "Blake is so cute!" bla bla bla bla. Sure, he's cute, but he just doesn't have the talent to compete with Jordin. She's stunning.

Do you guys have any songs that just...take you back? You know, back to the young, little-kid or preteen days. I've been on a kick of listening to stuff I was into back in the day. It's actually really fun! Quick list:
Leave It Up to Me--Aaron Carter.
Quit Playing Games (with My Heart)--Backstreet Boys.
Survivor--Destiny's Child
All I Can Do--Jump 5

Hehe, yeah, I had pretty dumb music taste. Except for the Backstreet Boys, that's still good stuff.

So tata, my dears, and remember: this virtual prison I am so unfortunately trapped in will not last forever. In the words of Douglas MacArthur: "I shall return."

XOXO,
Emily

Well, I suppose a new post is overdue. So here I am. Posting....

On Friday the quiz rally is at our church, and Mrs. Weaver said that if we take all three team trophies, she'll take us out to Coldstone! But like that's gonna happen. Nobody's been studying, and practices have been sooo lame! I remember the days where we jump like two or three words into the question, and the quiz masters had to tell us to slow down. Now we hear the whole question and miss the five second time limit to jump! Yuck. Well, there's a silver lining to everything, I guess. I'll get to see Fishy and Vanessa, and chill till midnight with everypeoples.

I've started ripping music illegally again. You know, like, borrow a CD from the library or a friend, rip it onto your computer, put it on your mp3 player, then return the CDs. My sister's all, "Emily, stop breaking the law! It's BAD!!!" Idk if it's bad or not. I mean, it's not like I'm gonna put the artists out of business by ripping their music. And even Charlie does it, who's a PK! So what's the big deal?

On that note, here's what I've been listening to: Foreigner. LOTS OF FOREIGNER. And yesterday I got CDs from Moby, Lifehouse, and U2. Anybody else listen to these guys? "You and Me" is one of the most overplayed radio singles ever, but I still love it. And "Honey" from Moby is just so...right. Well, back to school. Yuck.