Forelorn

I finish school very quickly these days. Makes me feel not as bad about starting really late in the mornings. :)

I was thinking last night and talking with Lily about my writing. Writing used to be my lifeblood. I would wake up in the middle of the night and grab a notebook, writing in the dark if I had to, just to get a great idea down on paper. I would transfer whatever was jumbling my feelings into something coherent on paper. Writing was like therapy for me, I guess. But now...it feels like an estranged friend. Someone that you miss because you haven't seen them in forever. Then one day you call them up and say, "Hey, let's get together." But when you sit down with them at the coffee shop, you just keep thinking to yourself, I do not know this person. What happened to our friendship? Is it even possible to bring it back? This is how I feel about my writing. Like I lost my connection to it. Was I lying to myself back when I thought I had potential? Or did I waste it all, and now it's gone forever?

This has come to my mind as lately I have been having different conflicting thoughts. I want to work it all out and be able to look at it objectively in writing. Or maybe, if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that I just want to romanticize it away and make my own confusion sound noble in a poem. But then there's the conflict. I am trying--well, maybe this branches into territory that would be better kept to myself. Like I said previously, I'm going to dam up the river of complaints to you guys. Sound good to you? It does to me. Kind of.

Do you like Skillet? They are an amazing band. Christian band too! It's sort of rare that I find a Christian band that has talent...not saying that to disparage worship songs, of course! It's just that, in the words of one singer, "Whatever the secular guys were making yesterday, that's what the Christians are making today." It's sadly true. It all sound the same. All sounds like cool-guy posers who want to reconcile their Christian audience to a mainstream audience. That's why I like it when I find a genuinely God-fearing group that just MAKES MUSIC. They just let their love of Christ flow into a beautiful outlet called rock music. Here's one of their songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1Vo7NOpKoE

The more I think about it, the more I really want to learn to ice skate. Just the gliding along is a great feeling...imagine what it must be like to own the ice with your skates! The combination of speed, grace, and working your butt off is amazing.

In Which Emily Continues to Be a Huge Pain to Everyone, Including Herself.

I swear, I want to take it all back.

In the five conscious hours since hanging up, it already has been killing me.

I think it might be too late, though.

What have I done?

Szechuan BURNING

Mom brought home the leftover Szechuan chicken and it's burning my lips like crazy! 8( Oh well, at least the dinner I made at HOME was good. Pasta alfredo with mushrooms. Yummy stuff (even though Lily said it was yucky). ^^

The bandage is off my finger, and now I'm looking at a nasty jagged line of stitches. Plus the finger is swelling up. Plus there's a couple weird bluish spots. I guess you probably didn't want to know about my creepy finger problems...sorry. XP

Today school was super-easy again, which I'm guessing it will be tomorrow too. Maybe these stitches aren't so bad after all. :) I'm counting down to the END of this school year...which means the end of high school!!! :D That's very exciting for me. Homeschooling has been a great experience, but it's starting to get to me. Being cooped up for so long can make a person crazy...jk (mostly). We already know that my fall into madness came quite a while ago, so the damage is done. :(

Mom and Dad went to dinner with the Gottwalds, who they hadn't seen for quite a while. Pray for Mike; his cancer is getting pretty advanced. Pray that he would find comfort in the Lord during his time left here.

While they were at dinner, I listened to a lot of music and chatted on Facebook with Jeff for most of the evening. That was pretty fun; now he's going to Albertsons so I'm here blogging...Bill also got a little crazy. She talks so funny online. X)

I think we're going to try to do something for a going-away type thing for Greg and Ethan on Sunday. I'm sorta counting on Ben reading this, since I forgot to call him today. And Jeff, you're invited too. Since you guys basically make up the extent of my readership (except for Washingtonians), I'll put the invite up here: we don't really know what we're doing yet, but we might hang out at my house or go to Park Lanes or something. Whatever we do, it won't be expensive. :) Do you want to come?

My fingers are so cold...breathing on them doesn't help. :'(

I printed off some piano music for Bill today. I got her Ice Dance, You Raise Me Up, and her favorite song...Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger! I hope she learns Ice Dance...Edward Scissorhands is one of the best movies ever. (Obligatory watch-with-someone-who-knows-the-scene-to-skip comment...)

Please sing me a song. I have Poker Face stuck in my head, and I think I've had about enough "mu-mu-mu-mah" for one day!

The Forgettable.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not special. Heaven knows I'm "special" in the mental asylum kind of way, but I have realized that I am not a great asset to planet Earth. What a pity....

Don't think I'm saying this to get compliments from the oh-so-nice people reading this. I'm not.