A Good Day.

Today Jeff came over...twice! :) The second time he came over he drove his motorcycle, which was kinda cool. I have kind of gotten used to the idea of a motorcycle being a feasible means of transporation, but when he drove away I still felt a little scared and uttered a short prayer. So, yes, it still seems dangerous to me. But it is ooookay. I will not worry about it...-_-

But anyway, when he was here, we destroyed some stuff in the backyard. First we pulled apart that old, broken couch swing. That was pretty easy, so we worked on the playhouse. Yes, the playhouse is completely obliterated. I won't lie; I'm a little sad about that. I have some fun memories with that thing, and I know that the little kids will miss it when they come over in the summer. But it's okay, at least it gave Jeff something to ax down! hehe he was laughing when he saw how fearful I was of that ax. Come to think about it, he was laughing at me the whole evening! Oh well, I suppose I make an entertainingly dumb sight oftentimes.

Today in my writing class, I was assigned to write something that is my favorite memory. I had two choices in my head that I bounced back and forth between. I finally chose Bible quizzing, which has had a profound and very positive impact on my life, mostly in the way of relationships. If there was one time I could ever go back and relive, that would be it. With almost nothing done differently. Isn't it rare how often that happens! Even the best memories will sometimes have something that you wish you could go back and fix. It's a treasure when something is a blessing from God from beginning to end, no doubt about it.

The other thing that was runner-up was actually an evening I had this last campout. Jeff, Bek, me, and Jason all went out and talked on the docks. I got to lie down and watch the stars during that time, and it was really good conversation. I'd hung out with Jeff before, but never really gotten to know anything all that deep. It felt good to be able to have a conversation with someone that is completely serious, but still really enjoyable. And of course I loved talking to Bek. I don't get to see her all that often, only once a year usually. She's more mature than a lot of people give her credit for, I think.

I'm supposed to be in bed right now. I'm not tired. But I will go to sleep now, because I know that I'll be zonked in the morning if I don't. :(

Trapezii. I feelz dem.

I haven't been on a computer in two days, and I didn't miss it at all! Yesterday morning we went over to the Sires/Naish house and did some moooooving! I actually really enjoyed it, my muscles are pretty sore (in the good way). After a beautiful day, we left mid-afternoon to get me to the library. I shelved for two hours , then went back to Jeff's house for some more moving! Then I went to Meymey's house for a sleepover. Well, actually we went to the Potts house till like 1:30 or so. Elder Dave helped Mike with their bathroom while we sat around (except for the bathroom run/Doritos coveting trip to Fred Meyer).

Next day, we started out at Permapost wheeeee. Not all that exciting, but I learned that dancing with a vacuum can be rather fun when one puts in their earphones. :P We then went over to Jeff's again, which is pretty much where we spent the rest of the day. Megan, Janelle, and I packed up the kitchen; Jordan and Bill washed out the nasty fridge; Drew and Jeff put up sheet rock.

All this sounds not all that great, but I really had a great time. I mean, come on: I spent like a day and a half with some of my best friends, just a really good feeling. Of course, there was the whole episode tonight...ugh. I suppose if I get into it again, I'll just get me and certain readers of this frustrated all over again. But let me clarify that any anger I felt (or still feel, actually) is tempered by the fact that I still love them and always will. I hope you feel the same...?

I wrote today. I did! It's a four-stanza poem, and it's been in my back pocket since this afternoon. It's not half bad...okay, yes it is half-bad. But I think it's half-good too. Maybe just because it's something, but I feel better about my "ability" to write now that I have something down on paper. Maybe someday I'll start putting my real writing on this blog; it's all stashed away somewhere.

Forelorn

I finish school very quickly these days. Makes me feel not as bad about starting really late in the mornings. :)

I was thinking last night and talking with Lily about my writing. Writing used to be my lifeblood. I would wake up in the middle of the night and grab a notebook, writing in the dark if I had to, just to get a great idea down on paper. I would transfer whatever was jumbling my feelings into something coherent on paper. Writing was like therapy for me, I guess. But now...it feels like an estranged friend. Someone that you miss because you haven't seen them in forever. Then one day you call them up and say, "Hey, let's get together." But when you sit down with them at the coffee shop, you just keep thinking to yourself, I do not know this person. What happened to our friendship? Is it even possible to bring it back? This is how I feel about my writing. Like I lost my connection to it. Was I lying to myself back when I thought I had potential? Or did I waste it all, and now it's gone forever?

This has come to my mind as lately I have been having different conflicting thoughts. I want to work it all out and be able to look at it objectively in writing. Or maybe, if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that I just want to romanticize it away and make my own confusion sound noble in a poem. But then there's the conflict. I am trying--well, maybe this branches into territory that would be better kept to myself. Like I said previously, I'm going to dam up the river of complaints to you guys. Sound good to you? It does to me. Kind of.

Do you like Skillet? They are an amazing band. Christian band too! It's sort of rare that I find a Christian band that has talent...not saying that to disparage worship songs, of course! It's just that, in the words of one singer, "Whatever the secular guys were making yesterday, that's what the Christians are making today." It's sadly true. It all sound the same. All sounds like cool-guy posers who want to reconcile their Christian audience to a mainstream audience. That's why I like it when I find a genuinely God-fearing group that just MAKES MUSIC. They just let their love of Christ flow into a beautiful outlet called rock music. Here's one of their songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1Vo7NOpKoE

The more I think about it, the more I really want to learn to ice skate. Just the gliding along is a great feeling...imagine what it must be like to own the ice with your skates! The combination of speed, grace, and working your butt off is amazing.

My Goals for the next Decade.

Okay, here they are:

1 year:
have my driver's permit.
be an expert on something.
be nice to Lily.
get in shape.
be a good cook.

5 years:
work with books.
have a driver's license.
go on a road trip.
be a bridesmaid.

10 years:
married with kids.
maybe doing some writing.
have something published.
have an active ministry in my church.

Isn't it ironic that after a whole summer of complaining that there isn't enough to do, I get bombarded by stuff to do after school starts! I've been pretty much hanging out with people nonstop this weekend! Good stuff.
I went horseback riding twice on Saturday, and that spells one thing for today: S-O-R-E. :'( But it was totally worth it. The ride on Saturday was even slightly dangerous, which of course means way more fun to talk about later. The horses decided right near the end, "Oh, look, we're almost done. Let's break into a gallop and ditch these suckers holding the reigns!" So the horse I was riding, Cheyenne, who'd done nothing the entire ride but plod and eat blackberries, broke out full stride. I almost ended up under her hooves, but thankfully as soon as I fell to the ground she stopped moving. And brave little me got back on the horse and rode to the stable! Yay I proud of myself for surviving. Zack lost one of his shoes haha.
After reviewing all the comments on my last post, I think Megan is right. What I was feeling was basically a form of selfishness. I still worry about the matter quite a bit, but I have no right to act like I have been. I really must learn to handle my own problems instead of complaining to everyone else about it. I'm sorry....
I should quit this and go back to school; I'm not quite finished for the day. BUT I don't want to quite yet! *stalling for time*
Does this ever happen to you: you figure something out about yourself or something that relates to you, and then you start telling people. You find out that everybody else already knew it! It's bizarre sometimes how oblivious the most central people are to the goings-on around them. Does this make sense or am I a blithering idiot?
My writing class had me make a list of all my goals for one year, five years, and ten years from now. It was very fun, maybe I'll post it.

A Great Party

So yesterday we threw a surprise party for Michelle's birthday. Danna and I hid in her closet and jumped out and said, "Surprise! Happy Birthday!" (yes, I know, very original) And we had a great time. We went to Wilson River and went inner tubing down the rapids! I fell off and bruised my leg BIG time. That part wasn't so great.

Then we did manicures as we dried off on the rocks above the river. That part was my favorite haha. Then we got a pizza and went back to Shelly's house for dinner and ice cream. Then we called our parents and begged to spend the night; they said yes! So we slept on the trampoline (always fun) and I did some writing on there. Just junk that's been on my mind. Seriously, writing is the best way to figure out if you're being smart. Just write down what you've been thinking about, then look back on it, and if it seems whiny, pointless, or selfish, then adjust your mindset. But if it really reflects your true feelings, and you think that it's legitimate concerns or joys, then dwell on it and learn from it.

Danna asked Michelle how she's doing with God, and I was surprised at how honest Shelly was. She said that she believes with her brain all the stuff in the Bible, but it's hard for her to understand the relationship between sovereignty of God and man's accountability. She told us she doesn't think she's saved, but then she said that she's praying and seeking God over it that He would reveal Himself to her. So that really lifted my spirits!

The next day I woke up at 6:20, went back to sleep, woke up again at 7:00, wrote for a while, got up at 8:00, had a cup of tea, and finally kicked them all awake at 9:00 so I wouldn't be the only one up. They weren't so happy with me. But I was! So we went inside and made "waffles." I put that in parentheses because they were loaded with...oatmeal...and tasted kind of weird. But when we piled on whipped cream and strawberry sauce, they weren't so bad.

Then I looked out the window and saw Jordan reading the stuff I wrote. I have to be honest; my reaction was very bad. I ran outside, screaming at him, "PUT THAT DOWN! DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF! LEAVE MY WRITING ALONE!" and I snatched it out of his hand and stormed back in the house. Later I felt like an awful brat when he came in and apologized. So I said sorry...but I still felt like an idiot. We didn't really talk to each other for a couple hours. I can't believe I still act like a little drama queen sometimes; I'm seventeen years old and I want to grow up a little.

Then as I was starting to feel better, Michelle put in a video of Riverdance. Um. Yeah. Okay, so the first 10 minutes was really awesome. And the rocking out violinist (not even kidding, she was HEADBANGING) was crazy cool. But two hours of Irish tapdancing???? AAAAAAGGGHHHH I about went nuts.

Then Mrs. Parks took me home and took my mom to lunch. That's where they are now, and I'm just sitting here admiring my beautiful bruise from yesterday. Seriously, it's all purple and pink and cool. I like it. All in all, it was a really fun time just chilling with my homefries. I love church family.

So how's life with you guys?☺

and and and wth

This morning my mom, sister, and I helped Bama set up a tent canopy type thing. She's having a garage sale in a couple weeks. Some of my stuff is going in it, so may be I'll make some MONEH!!! lol probably not; I only put my junk in the garage sale pile hehe.
I made that chocolate cake I mentioned before. It has to refrigerate overnight before it's any good though, so that'll be perfect timing for Megan's party tomorrow! I'm still wearing the apron; I probably should put it away, but it just looks so wicked awesome on me. jk
Daddy's taking me shooting tomorrow.
....................................not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is still kind of scared. But you know what? Matthew 10:29 says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will." God's got everything under control, even my clumsy hands holding a gun.
I'm writing again! I've started scribbling down pieces of a new story. It's tons harder than writing poetry; a fair poem can be written in like, 10 minutes sometimes. My best poems have taken me less than half an hour. A story, especially one I want to expand into possibly a novel, is a long-term project. I don't like long-term projects. But I love books, so I think it's time I exercise my mind a little and make a novel myself.

Party Time

Today is a joint post! My friend Michelle is here, so she is going to post as well. It'll make things...ineresting? I don't know, we'll see!
So first I will speak. We just finished up my mommy's birthday lunch; it was fun for me. We were going to do karaoke, but none of the karaoke CDs were like, party kind. I mean, hymns are great, but for karaoke? Nah.
Sooooo Megan is going to another interview today. She'll probably GET THE JOB. Sorry. An annoying child is messing with the mouse. And as for me getting a job...well I don't think I want one yet. I don't like the idea of something interfering with my other FUNNER plans. So you guys can work, and then I'll just mooch off you people! ☺
Um um, I can't think of much other interesting stuff. Michelle and I are talking about the past. Quite an inexhaustible subject! It seems like we've been talking about the past for a year and a half, and we never run out of new theories as to what the past means! Life is so mysterious! Ok, now Michelle will speak her mind!

i don't really want to do this but emily is insistent which i can't spell with out emily helping....lol this key board is impossible! Emily told me to speak my mind so i am, with great pride i act like a complete idiot!!! I'll tell you about me day. I woke up about 9:50 am and read the BIBLE and slept more and ate and got dressed and eavesdropped to my moms and brothers conversation which was boring so then i left home and went to emilys house and now im here on the computer talking to you nerds....no offense......i thnk a dumb blonde is worse than a nerd....emily told me your guys nerd characteristics which are megan, biology nerd, jeff, tree chopping nerd (what ever that is) and last but not least caleb, the computer nerd.... which emily is... so yup yup...now that i've bored yall to death i will leave you till next time i see you.....good bye

An Actual Day

Today I didn't sit around being pointless!!! Here is a fairly exhaustive list of my activities of the day:

I did some cooking. This was basically just doing what Mom tells me to do as she cooks, but it was something.
I vacuumed. Self-explanatory.
I dusted. That was mildly fun because I got to listen to my French CD as I danced around with the duster.
I washed the windows. That was fun at first, because I'd never done it before and I swirled the rag around in time with Will Smith's AWESOME track "Switch." Then my arm got really tired and it wasn't fun anymore. But I finished it and now the windows are pretty clean.☺
I moved some plants around. That was because Bama is feeling pretty benevolent and wants to give Mommy a planter full of plants (well I guess there's nothing else it would be full of), so I put it on the deck.
I hooked up my karaoke machine to the TV, which was surprisingly easy. I just hope that Dad isn't mad when the DVD player doesn't work tonight....
I sang on the karaoke machine to make sure it works. That was fun, except I think I gave a headache to my poor mother and sister. And I'm sure poor Frank Sinatra never wanted his songs to be treated so disgracefully.

Tonight Daddy is taking Lily and me out to buy Mommy a birthday present. I know what I want to get her; the only thing I'm worried about is whether or not the store will have it (and whether or not Mom already has it!)
I've gotten back into writing, and now I'm addicted to my own story. It's a good feeling.

Sorry...

Sorry I haven't updated. I found out about this new website called Facebook! It's like a safe version of myspace. So if you want you can join that.

But here's an update to any bored person or scammer that stumbles across this site. My life has been the same ol' same ol'. *CENSORED NAME* confessed to his sin, but someone still thinks he didn't do it! So I've mostly been worrying about how to convince that person of the truth without completely crushing him/her.
I'm going horseback riding today!!!! Hannah invited me and it'll be so much fun. I just feel bad for my baby sister. She was crying when she heard that she couldn't go. (when I say baby sister, I don't mean baby. Lily's 14.)
Tyler invited me to watch UHF with him and Ethan on Thursday. That'll be fun...but not as fun as my part in the deal. He has to watch Sense & Sensibility with me! lol this'll be interesting. But he said that he likes chick flicks.
Robyn's cutting and COLORING my hair on Wednesday!!!! This'll be the first time I get highlights EVER. I'm excited that there'll be a change after 16 years, but I just hope I don't regret it later. :P lol I guess you could say I'm a hair-color virgin.
I swear, Danny Elfman is a GENIUS. There hasn't been a musical score of his that I've heard that isn't a winner. Okay, maybe Midnight Run's music wasn't that great. But that wasn't conventional Danny Elfman. It was just...conventional 80's.
I went back to the dunes!!!! I only got to ride for a little while, but it was exhilerating. And I got to hang out with the Loynes family, who are the funnest people ever.

Although no one reads my blog anymore, it's good for me to write. It keeps me sane. lol it always happens that whenver I say that, someone tells me the next day, "I read your blog every day! You just never post!" Well, people, if you read my blog, please comment. It gives me more incentive to post sooner.

Crying
by Emily

Life is but a dream, a dream
That passes in and out
Through waves of whisper and of scream
In its ship is tossed about.

Life is but to sleep, to sleep
And hope to one day wake
From never-ending wail and weep
Watching for dawn to break.

And in one one moment of blissful sun
Our Creator shines His grace
On me, a wretched, selfish one
And clouds flee from my face.

Life is sweet, o precious sweet
Each moment alive and strong
I feel my thrilling heart to beat
To the notes of my Maker's song.

okay, here's my first experience on the dunes, to the best of my memory. i'm not going to put a detailed account of what all happened and in what order; i want this to be more of a telling of how it felt.

the first time i went out on the dunes, i rode behind my best friend, megan. sitting on the three-wheeler at our campsite, her dad gave us a quick rundown of what we were supposed to do. "stay with us until we get out to the dunes. don't go too fast on turns. if you get stuck, call me for help." i figured that megan had heard it all before, but she listened carefully anyway. maybe it was just part of the ATV experience. so her uncle started up the engine of each rig, and we rode through the camp towards the dunes. every person we passed nodded or waved at us. it seemed to me that they all had the same feeling that we did, because, after all we were all there for the same reason. the feeling that everything here is so simple, so easy. you're here for one reason, to ride. those simple gestures of friendliness probably made the most difference in getting me relaxed and ready for the dunes.
when we arrived at the dunes themselves, the first thing i noticed about it was how...ready it was. it was ready for us. ready for us to zoom around on it. ready for me to get used to riding, and ready to get the others in their groove. on a hill of sand, you could ride up to the top and glimpse the ocean, or you could ride down to the bottom and feel the shade of the trees. i knew that God had made this place. the mere arrangement of it all proved, to me at least, that He wanted us to have a good time. so we rode on the hill for a while. then megan's dad told us that we were all going up to the top. he said that it would be easier riding up there. as megan gained speed up the hill, i panicked. my breath came in short gasps. my brain wasn't working. i was extremely tense. she rode faster, faster up the hill. at the top, there was a barrier of trees, with small, single file roads between them. we went in and we were swallowed into the narrow pathways between the trees. it seemed as though we would be riding through these trees forever. turn left, turn right, we were still in it. it went on forever. but it didn't go on forever. we rode through the trees, making turns often, ducking low branches, and then-
Bam.
we were out on a flat plane, as far as i could see. soft sand rolling on and on. the whole world seemed to be an open savannah, ready for us to play on. and i got this feeling, like...everything's cool. each thought that passed through my mind seemed infinitely okay. wherever i was in life, geographically, emotionally, or in time, it was the perfect place. i didn't want anything to be any different. not with my family life, my age, or anything. everything seemed alright.
i got to drive on the dunes myself, too. i don't know, but there's something about tearing up a huge area of sand that gives you the feeling of unlimited power.
and the beach...now there's a rush. the water licking at your tires, but never quite reaching it...the smooth, wet sand, just waiting for you to break the speed limit and get your heart pounding. and the sun, slowly fading into a pink and orange explosion as it vanished below the horizon. i could almost feel the ocean and the clouds watching me, to see if i fit into this world of revving engines and rushing speed. i think i passed their watchful test.
i think that it was a different person in me that returned from the dunes that night. it was a person who was satisfied. a person who knew more about the good life than she did only a few hours before.
the next time i went out, do you think that i felt the same exhileration? you bet i did. but did i get that same feeling of absolute cool? no, not really. i don't think that i'll ever get that again. but i'll never forget how it felt to be there, not just there physically, but to be THERE. do you get what i'm saying? maybe not. maybe i shouldn't have even said all this. but i wanted it written down somewhere, and so i guess that here is okay.