A Good Day.

Today Jeff came over...twice! :) The second time he came over he drove his motorcycle, which was kinda cool. I have kind of gotten used to the idea of a motorcycle being a feasible means of transporation, but when he drove away I still felt a little scared and uttered a short prayer. So, yes, it still seems dangerous to me. But it is ooookay. I will not worry about it...-_-

But anyway, when he was here, we destroyed some stuff in the backyard. First we pulled apart that old, broken couch swing. That was pretty easy, so we worked on the playhouse. Yes, the playhouse is completely obliterated. I won't lie; I'm a little sad about that. I have some fun memories with that thing, and I know that the little kids will miss it when they come over in the summer. But it's okay, at least it gave Jeff something to ax down! hehe he was laughing when he saw how fearful I was of that ax. Come to think about it, he was laughing at me the whole evening! Oh well, I suppose I make an entertainingly dumb sight oftentimes.

Today in my writing class, I was assigned to write something that is my favorite memory. I had two choices in my head that I bounced back and forth between. I finally chose Bible quizzing, which has had a profound and very positive impact on my life, mostly in the way of relationships. If there was one time I could ever go back and relive, that would be it. With almost nothing done differently. Isn't it rare how often that happens! Even the best memories will sometimes have something that you wish you could go back and fix. It's a treasure when something is a blessing from God from beginning to end, no doubt about it.

The other thing that was runner-up was actually an evening I had this last campout. Jeff, Bek, me, and Jason all went out and talked on the docks. I got to lie down and watch the stars during that time, and it was really good conversation. I'd hung out with Jeff before, but never really gotten to know anything all that deep. It felt good to be able to have a conversation with someone that is completely serious, but still really enjoyable. And of course I loved talking to Bek. I don't get to see her all that often, only once a year usually. She's more mature than a lot of people give her credit for, I think.

I'm supposed to be in bed right now. I'm not tired. But I will go to sleep now, because I know that I'll be zonked in the morning if I don't. :(

"It's my-ee aighteenth birthday-ee tuhday-ee!"

Although I hate that character (and was sort of glad when she died...I'm a spiteful creature!), I've been saying that line all day and will continue to chant it till tomorrow! :D

Which means that today is my eighteenth birthday! Daddy took me out to breakfast eeearrly (I got up at 5:15 and we got to the restaurant at 6:00), where we had a very nice talk. He gave me a gift card to Barnes & Noble, which OF COURSE I was very excited about! It was Cindy's day off, though, so I didn't get free fruit or anything. :( When I got home, Mom gave me some num-nums and tasty juice! Grandma gave me a sweater that is pretty much the softest thing ever. I love my family so very very much (this is not because they give me stuff on my birthday).

I complained, both to others and myself, yesterday about how I really thin that eighteen is too old for me. Not that I am not ready to face up to life (okay, well maybe I'm not, but I'm getting there), but I really ought to be considered as an adult now. Yet, I know I will not be unless I act and think like one. Do I want to? I believe that I do. It's just a slightly difficult transition for me.

I have library work today, and Megan's picking me up afterwards. We, along with Mishmash and Danna, are going to have a really weird slumber party that I am quite positive will result in extreme sleepiness the next day at Courtney's concert. 240 milligrams of caffeine is something that I am quite interested to learn the effects of.

Speaking of concerts, did I tell you guys yet about that concert coming up? On March 22, Jeremy Camp, MercyMe, Hawk Nelson, and Tenth Avenue North are coming here. Best part is, there's no advance purchases of tickets. Just show up at the door and give them $10! I really want to go, and I think that if we get together a big enough group, it could happen...yes it's on a Wednesday, but I never ever miss Wednesday nights. I think that I can be absent just once.

Danna told me on Wednesday that I am very open on my blog. Funny, I always thought that I was rather reserved to what I'm really feeling...I think that certain blogs, which write mostly in secretive allegories, can be more enlightening into the inner thoughts than mine. This is because if you know what you're looking for, it's not that hard to decipher what someone really means by supposed random type.

I met Coralynn yesterday! I have to admit, all the crazy cooing that Michelle and Marinda have been doing over that kid is not over-the-top at all. She's so adorable! Her eyes are enormous, and she's super chubby. Chubby babies are fun to poke. I was quite entertained yesterday by staring her down intensely; I think I either intrigued or disturbed her. Or even better, both! >:)

Which is worse: to be absolutely sure of something, but change your mind several times, or to admit that you really don't know for sure what you think yet--and keep people in the dark as to what you really feel?

My hair is getting really long. Meh, I'm too lazy to go get it cut hehe.

My Goals for the next Decade.

Okay, here they are:

1 year:
have my driver's permit.
be an expert on something.
be nice to Lily.
get in shape.
be a good cook.

5 years:
work with books.
have a driver's license.
go on a road trip.
be a bridesmaid.

10 years:
married with kids.
maybe doing some writing.
have something published.
have an active ministry in my church.

Campout 2008

Learning about the glories of heaven.
Drawing close to God.
Drawing close to God's people, my real family.
Lying on the docks, having good conversations.
Eating marshalades and throwing them.
Seeing the Predmores.
Singing to the Lord in the kitchen.
Calling Melinda all kinds of weird names.
Hiking up an easy hike...that practically killed me.
Boating across the lake with amazingly cool people.
Eating my mom's world-famous food.
Helping my mom cook that world-famous food.
Playing "Down by the Banks" and not feeling stupid about it.
Being silly.
Being serious.
Looking at my future with fear and happiness.
Seeing Vengeance Creek.
Trying ping pong and not caring that I FAILED.
Watching a new sport be invented (Ultimate Ping Pong!!!)
Hugging people.
Learning to trust God more than ever.
Watching four precious saints be baptized in the lake.
Crying for joy with them.
Remembering and missing Grandpa Bob.
Laughing at the cheesy and marvelous slideshow.
Counting the times people said, "It's cold out here."
Wearing the dorky life jackets.
Being honest with people who care about me.
Learning new things about myself.
Wondering about other people.
Loving and being loved.

My heart is full and yearns for heaven. But while I'm here, it soars to be with the church family that I love more than words can say. ♥

Campout tomorrow!!!

Yes I'm excited. Could you tell??? ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺Today was a MAD scramble to finish shopping for campout food. We loaded up three carts FULL at the grocery store. Then we stuffed it all in our little Civic. Then we unloaded it all at home. Then we loaded it all into Uncle Don's truck. Then we drove to the church and unloaded it there. And TOMORROW we load it up again and drive it up to Clearlake. Whew! But I'm still smiling! 8D
So I thought your Jeff's friend Ben was going to come on Wednesday to church too? But I suppose I misheard. Too bad, he was a really funny fellow.
I watched a movie today called Funny Girl. It's a musical with Barbra Streisand and Omar Sharif. Really good stuff. I know Streisand is kind of a nasty old weirdo in real life, but she's a really good actress. And outstanding singer. She and Dianne Weist are probably my favorite actresses. (Dianne Weist was the Avon lady in Edward Scissorhands and the evil queen in The 10th Kingdom.)
I finished packing today; it's amazing how much stuff I feel like I have to bring to a four-day trip! And I even tried to pack light this time! But what can I say: girls will be girls.
Since I'm going into my senior year of high school, it seems like everybody everybody EVERYBODY is asking me what my plans for the future are. Ugh, I don't like being reminded! How am I supposed to decide what I want as a "career" or whatever, when my ultimate goal is to get married and have kids, just like God designed. But I don't even know if I'll get that far. I mean, of course I want that; every girl I know wants that. But I just don't know if it could work. It's a little weird for me.
So I guess I should start thinking about my future on a practical level. College and work and all that lovely stuff. XP Not so lovely when I start thinking seriously about it. What's my problem? Megan wants to be a dental hygienist, Danna wants to be a nurse, Robyn's a hairstylist, Marinda wants to go into landscaping, and me? I'm completely aimless!!! Well, working with books has always sounded promising. If I could find an interesting line of work there. But it's scary to me to do anything important or to make any important decisions. I need discipline, that's what I need.

I'll think about it again after this marvelous weekend. See y'alls (or most of y'alls) tomorrow!☺☺☺☺☺☺

Rips in the Wings

Short post today.

I feel simultaneously secure, comfortable...and jittery, unsure. Not a good feeling. Don't even ask; it's one of those strange Emily schizophrenic moments that makes me want to hurt myself. I have been getting a little less confident about things lately. Everything from my walk with God to my likeability to my friendships to my looks to my family to--well I just have been having a lot of stupid doubts.

I'm reading the Randy Alcorn book Heaven. It was assigned to me by my mom, but I think I'm really going to enjoy it. He obviously can't possibly know all about heaven, but at least I know he truly searched the Word and has come to his conclusions with prayer and faithfulness.

Sometimes I guess we get caught up in living for God here (which is what we're supposed to do!) that we forget: every believer gets to spend all of ETERNITY worshiping God, loving Him, and communing with him--with all other believers from all time! What a gift the Lord has in store for us!

I did a computer test thingy--I entered my photo into a program to see what "celebrity" I look like. I did it with a few other girlfriends too. Michelle, Megan, and Danna. They ALL came out as looking like gorgeous, glamorous movie star ladies. I came out as Bill Gates. Typical. :'(

So I just got my ear pierced on the left side yesterday. Bishelly came with and we had fun. It looks pretty good too. Next one is possibly going to be a little hoop in the side of the ear. But I don't know yet. Maybe a little nose stud? When I get older, I'm almost definitely getting a tattoo on my ankle. None of these things have been okay'd by my parents...yet. They may change their minds yet. ;)

Mom and Lily did the first campout shopping today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that's 23 exclamation points) That's exciting!!!

I think I'll end every post with a verse reference. But I'll just do the reference (it'll make you guys look it up yourselves haha) So go read...James 1:2-7. idk I just really love everything in James.

Blogging? More like slogging...

I'd like to start off by saying that I myself did not delete that paragraph or those comments. That was my mother. My parents have made the decision that I will not be seeing The Dark Knight. My feelings on the subject shall remain undisclosed.

I haven't been posting for several reasons. One, my family did some stuff for the first couple days of the week. Dad had Monday and Tuesday off, so we spent the time together. My favorite place was the lavender farm we went to. Have any of you guys ever been to a lavender farm? It's purple and peaceful and smells AMAZING! I found myself singing hymns and dancing in the sprinklers like an idiot. And the nice lady who owned the place runs a little business; she gives you a zip-tie and lets you fit as much lavender as you can in it for $5.
Daddy also bought some lavender-mint tea, which I am drinking right now (quite good).

On Wednesday I saw the Parks again for the first time in two weeks (two weeks is longer than it seems)! Megan and I spent the night at their house and we three (me, Megs, and Bichelly) slept on the tramp. I always love that. Megan had to leave at 9:00 the next morning, which was stinky for all. Meaning, Michelle and I didn't get to hang with her as long as we'd have liked, and she had to go to work on five and a half hours of sleep! XP

Today started out good and ended badly. Even though it's not over yet. This morning, Mom, Lily, and I went shopping and I scored a major find at Kohl's Early Bird Sale. So far, so good. Then we did some other running around town. The weather was nice, and the stores we went to weren't boring. Still not a bad day. We came home, and I sat down to read a novel. The rest of the family was watching a movie, so I had some nice alone-time in the living room. Then when the movie finished, they all came into the living room. I was surprised and rather ashamed at how irritated I was that they were chattering and banging around so fast after their movie finished. I mean, they weren't acting any different than usual...I just was being more of a recluse than normal. So here it starts to get grumpified.
I decided to do some proofreading for Muriel on her story, "The Blood on the Sidewalk," when I remembered that I had lost it. Bad feeling in pit of stomach. Guilt, embarrassment, annoyance at myself for being so careless. I'm probably going to have to reprint out the first draft and have her mark out the corrections AGAIN. That was a major goof on my part.
Next, I decide to look for my missing makeup bag. Note: my makeup is not irreplaceable, nor is it completely necessary.
But it's expensive. And tomorrow is Sunday.
So I start digging around in my stuff, to no avail. It's not there. Either it is buried in some hidden corner of my room (doubtful) or it's at the church. In which case, someone may have moved it or taken it thinking it was theirs.
So now I'm getting upset. I've lost two things that I consider important! Frustrated, I decide to start on my new novel from the library. Now, this isn't a book I checked out; it's a book that I got from completing the summer reading program. It's MINE. So I ask Mom, "Hey, where is that book I gave you to put in your briefcase at the library?" You can guess the response.
"You never gave me a book at the library."
So I scramble around my room, the bookshelves in the family room, even the car. It's not there. I dig through Mom's entire briefcase, hoping she's wrong about this. Of course she's not.
You guys don't understand how I feel about books, so this next sentence is going to seem very ridiculous.
I shut myself in my room and cried. Big, hot tears all over the knees of my pants. Dead serious.

Tomorrow's softball picnic should be sort of fun.

A Great Party

So yesterday we threw a surprise party for Michelle's birthday. Danna and I hid in her closet and jumped out and said, "Surprise! Happy Birthday!" (yes, I know, very original) And we had a great time. We went to Wilson River and went inner tubing down the rapids! I fell off and bruised my leg BIG time. That part wasn't so great.

Then we did manicures as we dried off on the rocks above the river. That part was my favorite haha. Then we got a pizza and went back to Shelly's house for dinner and ice cream. Then we called our parents and begged to spend the night; they said yes! So we slept on the trampoline (always fun) and I did some writing on there. Just junk that's been on my mind. Seriously, writing is the best way to figure out if you're being smart. Just write down what you've been thinking about, then look back on it, and if it seems whiny, pointless, or selfish, then adjust your mindset. But if it really reflects your true feelings, and you think that it's legitimate concerns or joys, then dwell on it and learn from it.

Danna asked Michelle how she's doing with God, and I was surprised at how honest Shelly was. She said that she believes with her brain all the stuff in the Bible, but it's hard for her to understand the relationship between sovereignty of God and man's accountability. She told us she doesn't think she's saved, but then she said that she's praying and seeking God over it that He would reveal Himself to her. So that really lifted my spirits!

The next day I woke up at 6:20, went back to sleep, woke up again at 7:00, wrote for a while, got up at 8:00, had a cup of tea, and finally kicked them all awake at 9:00 so I wouldn't be the only one up. They weren't so happy with me. But I was! So we went inside and made "waffles." I put that in parentheses because they were loaded with...oatmeal...and tasted kind of weird. But when we piled on whipped cream and strawberry sauce, they weren't so bad.

Then I looked out the window and saw Jordan reading the stuff I wrote. I have to be honest; my reaction was very bad. I ran outside, screaming at him, "PUT THAT DOWN! DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF! LEAVE MY WRITING ALONE!" and I snatched it out of his hand and stormed back in the house. Later I felt like an awful brat when he came in and apologized. So I said sorry...but I still felt like an idiot. We didn't really talk to each other for a couple hours. I can't believe I still act like a little drama queen sometimes; I'm seventeen years old and I want to grow up a little.

Then as I was starting to feel better, Michelle put in a video of Riverdance. Um. Yeah. Okay, so the first 10 minutes was really awesome. And the rocking out violinist (not even kidding, she was HEADBANGING) was crazy cool. But two hours of Irish tapdancing???? AAAAAAGGGHHHH I about went nuts.

Then Mrs. Parks took me home and took my mom to lunch. That's where they are now, and I'm just sitting here admiring my beautiful bruise from yesterday. Seriously, it's all purple and pink and cool. I like it. All in all, it was a really fun time just chilling with my homefries. I love church family.

So how's life with you guys?☺

Hey Mush!

What in the world were you thinking?!? I didn't even see that huge horse coming from 80 miles away. Dogs will be dogs, and kings will be fools. But that doesn't mean we have to feel farther than the sunlight...knife cuts don't matter to brain history anyway.

Blow your bangs out of your face; it's hardly worth the salt and birthrights. I was watching nails pound pound pound yesterday! Her teeth grinding, his fingers burning, my eyes bleeding???? Never!

Yet...it is a phenomenon that creates wishful thinking. Lights in the grass won't change bare eyelashes. Don't tell: I saw the shoulders rising higher HIGHER higher on this pool. YOU CARE!!!! YOU CARE NOT!!!! Ferris wheel dreams aren't as full of laughter as we thought, are they? White and black lovers hiding...I can't stop imagining their torn history of red threads.

HOLY--
HOLY--
HOLY--
HOLY--
HOLY--
nothing.

Not supposed to be here...hehe

I'm seriously supposed to be in school right now...but I'll just make this post first.

So, uh, here I am, same kid as always. Everything is the same. Robbie comes and goes, Michelle is in deep trouble, Bryan needs some serious butt-kicking but he'll never get it, Megan is my bff, and family is nice I guess. I pretty much stand back and watch other people go through life and all that crap.

The district church conference was great great great!!! Pastor Ray preached a beautiful sermon on prayer from Psalm 119, and I teared up at one point. There was sumo wrestling (you know, where people dress up in those huge vinyl costumes and smash each other), which was HILARIOUS. There was a nice big inflatable slide that I loved! There was food but I didn't eat very much. I met two people, one of them from Canada! She was cool.

Ummmm, let's see, what's interesting. OMG I AM HAVING SERIOUS STAR WARS CRAVINGS. Not even kidding here, I was getting ready for school this morning and I just all of a sudden started wanting to see some serious Hoth battles or something. Yeaaah, Hoth sounds really good right now. *whimper*

I saw Ocean's 13. OH MY GOSH. George Clooney is...is...well he's just the most handsome man I have ever seen in my life. There's a scene where Rusty and Danny are watching Oprah...you gotta see it, it's the sweetest thing ever.

I really should go back to school...

Hey guess what I found in our coat closet?!? On the top shelf...hidden away...I found my old purple newsboy cap and my Happy Bunny sweatshirt!!! I had a good laugh over that one. (for anybody who doesn't know, my parents took away my hat about 5 years ago. I always assumed they got rid of it, but it's been in the closet the whole time! Same story with the sweater about 3 or four years ago.) So I stuck my infamous gray dress up there, and sometime I'm going to wear them all at once and completely scare my dad. Probably on my 18th birthday when he publishes the princess picture...

Next movie everyone HAS to see: Life is Beautiful. Just make sure you get it with English dubbing (unless you know Italian). It's a really great movie that I know you will love.

Holy Crap!

I can't believe I still have this blog! I thought I had deleted it haha. Well as long as it's here, I might as well bore random net-surfers to tears...

I am still Emily.
I am still a teenager.
My life plods along much as usual.

How sad that I have nothing new to say since...JULY. Yikes. I don't even have my permit. Ah, well, I've been having a nice life.
I called Allisa a few weeks ago, can you believe it? She seems the same. I've been too scared to call because I'm afraid that Robbie will answer the phone and I'll be like, "Oh, uh, hi...um, how are you...?" You know how it is. Drama is retarded and I don't like to get involved in it.
Christmas was great as usual! New Years was way more fun than I was expecting. I went to Ethan's house and it was all good.
Oh, yeah, here's something different: my grandma's been living with us for about three months now. Yeah, so now both grandmas are living with us, one at either end of the house. Interesting, I must say...
Friends and semi-friends are still the same. Megan is still my bff, Danna is still my pally, and Jordan still hates me. Hey guess what? Pres has been coming to church like all the time! She even came to Wednesday Bible Study last night! That makes me much happy.

Kk well here's to '08. May it be better than '07.

Keep on Truckin'

Yay, I'm back! Been a long time, eh? Yeah, well, in a month there's still not too much earth-shattering news to talk about. Let's see...

Megan applied for a job at Safeway.
The Bereans party is tomorrow and we're hoping the weather will be okay.
Bryan and Jordan are in North Dakota.
A new girl named Melinda is coming to church.
Allisa was at Bible study last night.
I tried volleyball for the first time in years on Wednesday, but quit within two minutes.
Mikhaila is spending the night tonight.
I've started writing more again.
Lothlorien seems to have been abandoned.
Personablige is now a word.
I'm wearing two braids in my hair, very unusual for me.
Life goes on.

But I'm Right Here, Don't Leave Me!

Yes, I live!!! I doubt that this will be read since I haven't posted in almost a month...sorry. I've just been busy! Sort of...and a lot happened. And yeah, I just spaced.

Blogs are ironic. You post every day, thinking, "Dang, I wish I had something really interesting to say!" and fill up a couple paragraphs with random junk. Then something major happens in life, something that's never happened before. And you just don't have time or inclination to write about it because it's thrown such a hitch in your life! Eh.

Well, about this HUGE thing that happened and threw my whole existence out of whack for the past two or three weeks...I can't tell you. Yes, I'm cruel. But I'm also not a gossip.

But there's a moral to every story, right? The moral to The Secret that Nobody Knows is that when life hits ya hard, rely on God. Sounds like something your pastor's told you for forever, right? Me too. But I never really understood how IMPORTANT it is until now. You can be the most self-reliant, I-got-it-figured-out person in the world. But something will happen that you didn't expect. It will, I'm not kidding you here. And when that happens, you'll feel very small. And God will show how BIG He is!

I had an AWESOME birthday party!!!! I had 17 people here, and they all brought me presents...even though I told them not to. But it was sweet of them. I got some cuh-razy cool earrings and Robbie gave me this gorgeous pin that'ss a cursive E. And I'm gonna be soooo buzzed because I got a TON of Starbucks and other coffee places gift cards!!!!

Next Saturday we're all going to the mountain to go tubing in the snow! That'll be fun. I just hope I don't look like a total idiot by slipping and sliding down to my...doom. Or whatever.

The Superbowl Party was a blast too! We played hide-and-seek in the whole neighborhood and I was so glad that my friends didn't watch the game.

A-jay's visiting in August!!! For anybody who doesn't know, Anjeannette is my older sister who lives in Louisiana. And she said that she's bringing the kids this time!

Oh, yes, I almost forgot. Today's my birthday!!!! And Daddy gave me a sansa MP3 player!!!!! woohoo, I'm excited! Sixteen is truly sweeeet. And Dad said that I'm going to driver's school when we get an automatic car, so I can really learn to RULE THE ROAD. Look out, pedestrians!

Things about myself that I learned this week:

1. I'm getting better at talking to people on the phone. I spent like an hour talking to Michelle and Marinda last night on the telly-phonio, and I really enjoyed it!

2. Don't ever dance at parties. Let the guys do it, because if a girl starts to do it, it gets a little...edgy.

3. I can't play basketball to save my life. I always knew it, but Robbie persuaded me into trying on Wednesday. It was such an easy shot, but I threw an airball anyway. Embarrassing.

4. I'm dependent on friends! I didn't realize until recently that my whole life revolves around my friends, and I get soooo mopey and sad without them, or if I have to leave a party or something.

5. Give people the benefit of the doubt. When I met my friend Paul, I automatically thought he was just some geek. Now I realize that he's actually really fun to talk to. When I met Jordan P., I thought he was just some jerk who wanted attention. Now he's really nice and cool.

Well, I'm gonna rip my CD's onto WMP now so I can download them onto my new sansa!!!

Crying
by Emily

Life is but a dream, a dream
That passes in and out
Through waves of whisper and of scream
In its ship is tossed about.

Life is but to sleep, to sleep
And hope to one day wake
From never-ending wail and weep
Watching for dawn to break.

And in one one moment of blissful sun
Our Creator shines His grace
On me, a wretched, selfish one
And clouds flee from my face.

Life is sweet, o precious sweet
Each moment alive and strong
I feel my thrilling heart to beat
To the notes of my Maker's song.

okay, here's my first experience on the dunes, to the best of my memory. i'm not going to put a detailed account of what all happened and in what order; i want this to be more of a telling of how it felt.

the first time i went out on the dunes, i rode behind my best friend, megan. sitting on the three-wheeler at our campsite, her dad gave us a quick rundown of what we were supposed to do. "stay with us until we get out to the dunes. don't go too fast on turns. if you get stuck, call me for help." i figured that megan had heard it all before, but she listened carefully anyway. maybe it was just part of the ATV experience. so her uncle started up the engine of each rig, and we rode through the camp towards the dunes. every person we passed nodded or waved at us. it seemed to me that they all had the same feeling that we did, because, after all we were all there for the same reason. the feeling that everything here is so simple, so easy. you're here for one reason, to ride. those simple gestures of friendliness probably made the most difference in getting me relaxed and ready for the dunes.
when we arrived at the dunes themselves, the first thing i noticed about it was how...ready it was. it was ready for us. ready for us to zoom around on it. ready for me to get used to riding, and ready to get the others in their groove. on a hill of sand, you could ride up to the top and glimpse the ocean, or you could ride down to the bottom and feel the shade of the trees. i knew that God had made this place. the mere arrangement of it all proved, to me at least, that He wanted us to have a good time. so we rode on the hill for a while. then megan's dad told us that we were all going up to the top. he said that it would be easier riding up there. as megan gained speed up the hill, i panicked. my breath came in short gasps. my brain wasn't working. i was extremely tense. she rode faster, faster up the hill. at the top, there was a barrier of trees, with small, single file roads between them. we went in and we were swallowed into the narrow pathways between the trees. it seemed as though we would be riding through these trees forever. turn left, turn right, we were still in it. it went on forever. but it didn't go on forever. we rode through the trees, making turns often, ducking low branches, and then-
Bam.
we were out on a flat plane, as far as i could see. soft sand rolling on and on. the whole world seemed to be an open savannah, ready for us to play on. and i got this feeling, like...everything's cool. each thought that passed through my mind seemed infinitely okay. wherever i was in life, geographically, emotionally, or in time, it was the perfect place. i didn't want anything to be any different. not with my family life, my age, or anything. everything seemed alright.
i got to drive on the dunes myself, too. i don't know, but there's something about tearing up a huge area of sand that gives you the feeling of unlimited power.
and the beach...now there's a rush. the water licking at your tires, but never quite reaching it...the smooth, wet sand, just waiting for you to break the speed limit and get your heart pounding. and the sun, slowly fading into a pink and orange explosion as it vanished below the horizon. i could almost feel the ocean and the clouds watching me, to see if i fit into this world of revving engines and rushing speed. i think i passed their watchful test.
i think that it was a different person in me that returned from the dunes that night. it was a person who was satisfied. a person who knew more about the good life than she did only a few hours before.
the next time i went out, do you think that i felt the same exhileration? you bet i did. but did i get that same feeling of absolute cool? no, not really. i don't think that i'll ever get that again. but i'll never forget how it felt to be there, not just there physically, but to be THERE. do you get what i'm saying? maybe not. maybe i shouldn't have even said all this. but i wanted it written down somewhere, and so i guess that here is okay.