Forelorn
I finish school very quickly these days. Makes me feel not as bad about starting really late in the mornings. :)
I was thinking last night and talking with Lily about my writing. Writing used to be my lifeblood. I would wake up in the middle of the night and grab a notebook, writing in the dark if I had to, just to get a great idea down on paper. I would transfer whatever was jumbling my feelings into something coherent on paper. Writing was like therapy for me, I guess. But now...it feels like an estranged friend. Someone that you miss because you haven't seen them in forever. Then one day you call them up and say, "Hey, let's get together." But when you sit down with them at the coffee shop, you just keep thinking to yourself, I do not know this person. What happened to our friendship? Is it even possible to bring it back? This is how I feel about my writing. Like I lost my connection to it. Was I lying to myself back when I thought I had potential? Or did I waste it all, and now it's gone forever?
This has come to my mind as lately I have been having different conflicting thoughts. I want to work it all out and be able to look at it objectively in writing. Or maybe, if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that I just want to romanticize it away and make my own confusion sound noble in a poem. But then there's the conflict. I am trying--well, maybe this branches into territory that would be better kept to myself. Like I said previously, I'm going to dam up the river of complaints to you guys. Sound good to you? It does to me. Kind of.
Do you like Skillet? They are an amazing band. Christian band too! It's sort of rare that I find a Christian band that has talent...not saying that to disparage worship songs, of course! It's just that, in the words of one singer, "Whatever the secular guys were making yesterday, that's what the Christians are making today." It's sadly true. It all sound the same. All sounds like cool-guy posers who want to reconcile their Christian audience to a mainstream audience. That's why I like it when I find a genuinely God-fearing group that just MAKES MUSIC. They just let their love of Christ flow into a beautiful outlet called rock music. Here's one of their songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1Vo7NOpKoE
The more I think about it, the more I really want to learn to ice skate. Just the gliding along is a great feeling...imagine what it must be like to own the ice with your skates! The combination of speed, grace, and working your butt off is amazing.
Labels: beautiful, confused, exercise, fun, goals, love, mental, music, poem, sad, writing
posted by emily...♫ @ 2:09 PM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
I wish I could see more about what you mean regarding yer writing. Besides yer blog here, I don't really know much else that you do with writing (besides school I guess). But even without knowing any of that, I know what you described in the estranged friend. That is kind of sad, maybe you just need to write more?
I listened to that song you put in yer "write about me" box. They're not very heavy, but I kinda liked it. I remember listening to Skillet a while back and not liking them, but I listened to that song and liked that song. A much better recommendation than Poker Face :p
What about owning the sidewalk with roller blades?? I guess both would be fun as long as yer good at it. Things are usually more fun if yer good at them.
I've been told (and for a while had believed) that talking about things helps. I'm not entirely convinced of that anymore. But you say you have a dam to hide things behind, and maybe that's not the best way to go. "Sound good to you? It does to me. Kind of." It doesn't really sound good to me.. just some honest input.
Ice skating is righteous! I can't believe you went without me. Once you get good enough, you can cause other people's bodies to enjoy a greeting of annihilation with the boards/ice.
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