Forelorn

I finish school very quickly these days. Makes me feel not as bad about starting really late in the mornings. :)

I was thinking last night and talking with Lily about my writing. Writing used to be my lifeblood. I would wake up in the middle of the night and grab a notebook, writing in the dark if I had to, just to get a great idea down on paper. I would transfer whatever was jumbling my feelings into something coherent on paper. Writing was like therapy for me, I guess. But now...it feels like an estranged friend. Someone that you miss because you haven't seen them in forever. Then one day you call them up and say, "Hey, let's get together." But when you sit down with them at the coffee shop, you just keep thinking to yourself, I do not know this person. What happened to our friendship? Is it even possible to bring it back? This is how I feel about my writing. Like I lost my connection to it. Was I lying to myself back when I thought I had potential? Or did I waste it all, and now it's gone forever?

This has come to my mind as lately I have been having different conflicting thoughts. I want to work it all out and be able to look at it objectively in writing. Or maybe, if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that I just want to romanticize it away and make my own confusion sound noble in a poem. But then there's the conflict. I am trying--well, maybe this branches into territory that would be better kept to myself. Like I said previously, I'm going to dam up the river of complaints to you guys. Sound good to you? It does to me. Kind of.

Do you like Skillet? They are an amazing band. Christian band too! It's sort of rare that I find a Christian band that has talent...not saying that to disparage worship songs, of course! It's just that, in the words of one singer, "Whatever the secular guys were making yesterday, that's what the Christians are making today." It's sadly true. It all sound the same. All sounds like cool-guy posers who want to reconcile their Christian audience to a mainstream audience. That's why I like it when I find a genuinely God-fearing group that just MAKES MUSIC. They just let their love of Christ flow into a beautiful outlet called rock music. Here's one of their songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1Vo7NOpKoE

The more I think about it, the more I really want to learn to ice skate. Just the gliding along is a great feeling...imagine what it must be like to own the ice with your skates! The combination of speed, grace, and working your butt off is amazing.

In Which Emily Continues to Be a Huge Pain to Everyone, Including Herself.

I swear, I want to take it all back.

In the five conscious hours since hanging up, it already has been killing me.

I think it might be too late, though.

What have I done?

"It's my-ee aighteenth birthday-ee tuhday-ee!"

Although I hate that character (and was sort of glad when she died...I'm a spiteful creature!), I've been saying that line all day and will continue to chant it till tomorrow! :D

Which means that today is my eighteenth birthday! Daddy took me out to breakfast eeearrly (I got up at 5:15 and we got to the restaurant at 6:00), where we had a very nice talk. He gave me a gift card to Barnes & Noble, which OF COURSE I was very excited about! It was Cindy's day off, though, so I didn't get free fruit or anything. :( When I got home, Mom gave me some num-nums and tasty juice! Grandma gave me a sweater that is pretty much the softest thing ever. I love my family so very very much (this is not because they give me stuff on my birthday).

I complained, both to others and myself, yesterday about how I really thin that eighteen is too old for me. Not that I am not ready to face up to life (okay, well maybe I'm not, but I'm getting there), but I really ought to be considered as an adult now. Yet, I know I will not be unless I act and think like one. Do I want to? I believe that I do. It's just a slightly difficult transition for me.

I have library work today, and Megan's picking me up afterwards. We, along with Mishmash and Danna, are going to have a really weird slumber party that I am quite positive will result in extreme sleepiness the next day at Courtney's concert. 240 milligrams of caffeine is something that I am quite interested to learn the effects of.

Speaking of concerts, did I tell you guys yet about that concert coming up? On March 22, Jeremy Camp, MercyMe, Hawk Nelson, and Tenth Avenue North are coming here. Best part is, there's no advance purchases of tickets. Just show up at the door and give them $10! I really want to go, and I think that if we get together a big enough group, it could happen...yes it's on a Wednesday, but I never ever miss Wednesday nights. I think that I can be absent just once.

Danna told me on Wednesday that I am very open on my blog. Funny, I always thought that I was rather reserved to what I'm really feeling...I think that certain blogs, which write mostly in secretive allegories, can be more enlightening into the inner thoughts than mine. This is because if you know what you're looking for, it's not that hard to decipher what someone really means by supposed random type.

I met Coralynn yesterday! I have to admit, all the crazy cooing that Michelle and Marinda have been doing over that kid is not over-the-top at all. She's so adorable! Her eyes are enormous, and she's super chubby. Chubby babies are fun to poke. I was quite entertained yesterday by staring her down intensely; I think I either intrigued or disturbed her. Or even better, both! >:)

Which is worse: to be absolutely sure of something, but change your mind several times, or to admit that you really don't know for sure what you think yet--and keep people in the dark as to what you really feel?

My hair is getting really long. Meh, I'm too lazy to go get it cut hehe.

...maybe?

It's a new year. Can't say a new me for sure. I think it's time I started blogging again. Life has changed in many ways, even since the last post here in September. I have to confess that it's not really good ways, for the most part. But that is neither here nor there; what matters is that I am still alive and ready to talk your ears off again, if you're ready to listen. Sorry for my choppy writing style; I have a bandage/cast thing on my finger that makes typing really slow and difficult. :P

Oh, and thank you to the "Anonymous" of my last post who encouraged me to start blogging again. I'm happy to see that there's at least one person who is checking up on me. :)

Isn't it ironic that after a whole summer of complaining that there isn't enough to do, I get bombarded by stuff to do after school starts! I've been pretty much hanging out with people nonstop this weekend! Good stuff.
I went horseback riding twice on Saturday, and that spells one thing for today: S-O-R-E. :'( But it was totally worth it. The ride on Saturday was even slightly dangerous, which of course means way more fun to talk about later. The horses decided right near the end, "Oh, look, we're almost done. Let's break into a gallop and ditch these suckers holding the reigns!" So the horse I was riding, Cheyenne, who'd done nothing the entire ride but plod and eat blackberries, broke out full stride. I almost ended up under her hooves, but thankfully as soon as I fell to the ground she stopped moving. And brave little me got back on the horse and rode to the stable! Yay I proud of myself for surviving. Zack lost one of his shoes haha.
After reviewing all the comments on my last post, I think Megan is right. What I was feeling was basically a form of selfishness. I still worry about the matter quite a bit, but I have no right to act like I have been. I really must learn to handle my own problems instead of complaining to everyone else about it. I'm sorry....
I should quit this and go back to school; I'm not quite finished for the day. BUT I don't want to quite yet! *stalling for time*
Does this ever happen to you: you figure something out about yourself or something that relates to you, and then you start telling people. You find out that everybody else already knew it! It's bizarre sometimes how oblivious the most central people are to the goings-on around them. Does this make sense or am I a blithering idiot?
My writing class had me make a list of all my goals for one year, five years, and ten years from now. It was very fun, maybe I'll post it.

Campout tomorrow!!!

Yes I'm excited. Could you tell??? ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺Today was a MAD scramble to finish shopping for campout food. We loaded up three carts FULL at the grocery store. Then we stuffed it all in our little Civic. Then we unloaded it all at home. Then we loaded it all into Uncle Don's truck. Then we drove to the church and unloaded it there. And TOMORROW we load it up again and drive it up to Clearlake. Whew! But I'm still smiling! 8D
So I thought your Jeff's friend Ben was going to come on Wednesday to church too? But I suppose I misheard. Too bad, he was a really funny fellow.
I watched a movie today called Funny Girl. It's a musical with Barbra Streisand and Omar Sharif. Really good stuff. I know Streisand is kind of a nasty old weirdo in real life, but she's a really good actress. And outstanding singer. She and Dianne Weist are probably my favorite actresses. (Dianne Weist was the Avon lady in Edward Scissorhands and the evil queen in The 10th Kingdom.)
I finished packing today; it's amazing how much stuff I feel like I have to bring to a four-day trip! And I even tried to pack light this time! But what can I say: girls will be girls.
Since I'm going into my senior year of high school, it seems like everybody everybody EVERYBODY is asking me what my plans for the future are. Ugh, I don't like being reminded! How am I supposed to decide what I want as a "career" or whatever, when my ultimate goal is to get married and have kids, just like God designed. But I don't even know if I'll get that far. I mean, of course I want that; every girl I know wants that. But I just don't know if it could work. It's a little weird for me.
So I guess I should start thinking about my future on a practical level. College and work and all that lovely stuff. XP Not so lovely when I start thinking seriously about it. What's my problem? Megan wants to be a dental hygienist, Danna wants to be a nurse, Robyn's a hairstylist, Marinda wants to go into landscaping, and me? I'm completely aimless!!! Well, working with books has always sounded promising. If I could find an interesting line of work there. But it's scary to me to do anything important or to make any important decisions. I need discipline, that's what I need.

I'll think about it again after this marvelous weekend. See y'alls (or most of y'alls) tomorrow!☺☺☺☺☺☺

Not much going on here

Soooo it's been almost a week, figured I'd better make a new post. Not much has really happened this week though. I went to Oaks Park yesterday, I guess that's something. But there's not really a lot of good rides there though. In my opinion, the most fun ride there is the Screamin' Eagle, which I happen to find very relaxing. Seriously, I just de-stress when I go on that ride. And the roller coaster? I didn't even scream once the whole ride. Not that it wasn't fun, but it was just pretty simple and short.
Michelle spent the night last night. That was fun as usual, but it seems like we end up talking about a lot of the same stuff every sleepover. Taking apart the past, seeing how it relates to the present, speculating about the future. That can be either uplifting or depressing, depending on what you're talking about. I for one am rather unsure about my future. I mean, anything could happen to me since I don't really have any solid plans. Of course, I know that whatever plans I make, it's still in the hands of God. But I just don't have any clue of what I want to do! Sometimes I get scared that I'll make stupid choices and then have to live with them forever.
Aunt Lori emailed saying that the Predmores are coming to campout!!! I'm so happy! Haven't really got to chill with the whole family for quite a while. Better brush up on my lightsaber warring so I can pwn lol.
A lady is coming over for dinner tonight. Anybody at church last night during prayer requests knows who I'm talking about. Pray about it! She's not saved, and so we want to witness to her and the family she's bringing. I'm a little nervous; never met the lady.