Trapezii. I feelz dem.

I haven't been on a computer in two days, and I didn't miss it at all! Yesterday morning we went over to the Sires/Naish house and did some moooooving! I actually really enjoyed it, my muscles are pretty sore (in the good way). After a beautiful day, we left mid-afternoon to get me to the library. I shelved for two hours , then went back to Jeff's house for some more moving! Then I went to Meymey's house for a sleepover. Well, actually we went to the Potts house till like 1:30 or so. Elder Dave helped Mike with their bathroom while we sat around (except for the bathroom run/Doritos coveting trip to Fred Meyer).

Next day, we started out at Permapost wheeeee. Not all that exciting, but I learned that dancing with a vacuum can be rather fun when one puts in their earphones. :P We then went over to Jeff's again, which is pretty much where we spent the rest of the day. Megan, Janelle, and I packed up the kitchen; Jordan and Bill washed out the nasty fridge; Drew and Jeff put up sheet rock.

All this sounds not all that great, but I really had a great time. I mean, come on: I spent like a day and a half with some of my best friends, just a really good feeling. Of course, there was the whole episode tonight...ugh. I suppose if I get into it again, I'll just get me and certain readers of this frustrated all over again. But let me clarify that any anger I felt (or still feel, actually) is tempered by the fact that I still love them and always will. I hope you feel the same...?

I wrote today. I did! It's a four-stanza poem, and it's been in my back pocket since this afternoon. It's not half bad...okay, yes it is half-bad. But I think it's half-good too. Maybe just because it's something, but I feel better about my "ability" to write now that I have something down on paper. Maybe someday I'll start putting my real writing on this blog; it's all stashed away somewhere.

Forelorn

I finish school very quickly these days. Makes me feel not as bad about starting really late in the mornings. :)

I was thinking last night and talking with Lily about my writing. Writing used to be my lifeblood. I would wake up in the middle of the night and grab a notebook, writing in the dark if I had to, just to get a great idea down on paper. I would transfer whatever was jumbling my feelings into something coherent on paper. Writing was like therapy for me, I guess. But now...it feels like an estranged friend. Someone that you miss because you haven't seen them in forever. Then one day you call them up and say, "Hey, let's get together." But when you sit down with them at the coffee shop, you just keep thinking to yourself, I do not know this person. What happened to our friendship? Is it even possible to bring it back? This is how I feel about my writing. Like I lost my connection to it. Was I lying to myself back when I thought I had potential? Or did I waste it all, and now it's gone forever?

This has come to my mind as lately I have been having different conflicting thoughts. I want to work it all out and be able to look at it objectively in writing. Or maybe, if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that I just want to romanticize it away and make my own confusion sound noble in a poem. But then there's the conflict. I am trying--well, maybe this branches into territory that would be better kept to myself. Like I said previously, I'm going to dam up the river of complaints to you guys. Sound good to you? It does to me. Kind of.

Do you like Skillet? They are an amazing band. Christian band too! It's sort of rare that I find a Christian band that has talent...not saying that to disparage worship songs, of course! It's just that, in the words of one singer, "Whatever the secular guys were making yesterday, that's what the Christians are making today." It's sadly true. It all sound the same. All sounds like cool-guy posers who want to reconcile their Christian audience to a mainstream audience. That's why I like it when I find a genuinely God-fearing group that just MAKES MUSIC. They just let their love of Christ flow into a beautiful outlet called rock music. Here's one of their songs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1Vo7NOpKoE

The more I think about it, the more I really want to learn to ice skate. Just the gliding along is a great feeling...imagine what it must be like to own the ice with your skates! The combination of speed, grace, and working your butt off is amazing.

Back in the drill...

So life's boringness has set back in. School started yesterday, which means I have a *shudders* bedtime every night except Fridays. So far my classes are going okay though. We'll see how things go in a couple weeks, when all the novelty of 12th grade work is gooooooone.
Bapa called today; I love my Bapa! He is so proud of me, it makes me feel guilty. I wish I was as good, smart, and unique a kid as he thinks I am. But it made me feel so good talking to him. Especially because I'm not really that close to much of my family (outside my church family).
So I'm supposed to start a "senior project" soon. I need ideas. What's something I can do that will teach me something, benefit other people, and still be a realistic goal? idk what my time limit is, but hopefully I'll have at least a semester.
Have you guys ever heard of Mindfreak? Criss Angel is AMAZING!!!! He's like the best magician ever. I sometimes don't even want to watch his tricks, because I'm sure he's seriously going to DIE. Today I watched him (on Youtube) get run over by a steamroller. I don't understand how he does this stuff, but that's part of the fun.
So Danna's party is on Saturday! Yay, my girl is 16. Can't even believe it. I had to laugh at Jeff's face on Wednesday when he heard she's only sixteen. Danna gets a lot of that. I remember when we first were "friends." I put that in quotes because we HATED each other, but would still play together all the time. We were both really headstrong children. And look at what an amazing, beautiful, mature young woman Jordanna has grown up to be. I hope I've grown up a little...hey, God's still working on me! Like Ryan said at his baptism, "I'm not a finished project."
I discovered a poet the other day, when I was just browsing around. Her name's Charlotte Mansfield. Her work is pretty diverse, but idk if it's good or not. I'm not the best judge of poetry. Here's her most recent one:

--Wasted--
An entire life of emptiness
Is no real life at all.

Feeling strong and thinking
That I'm walking oh, so tall.

When really I'm in shambles
And cannot even crawl.

Life does not begin
Until we see ourselves as small.


idk, I just thought it seemed sort of poignant or something....

A Great Party

So yesterday we threw a surprise party for Michelle's birthday. Danna and I hid in her closet and jumped out and said, "Surprise! Happy Birthday!" (yes, I know, very original) And we had a great time. We went to Wilson River and went inner tubing down the rapids! I fell off and bruised my leg BIG time. That part wasn't so great.

Then we did manicures as we dried off on the rocks above the river. That part was my favorite haha. Then we got a pizza and went back to Shelly's house for dinner and ice cream. Then we called our parents and begged to spend the night; they said yes! So we slept on the trampoline (always fun) and I did some writing on there. Just junk that's been on my mind. Seriously, writing is the best way to figure out if you're being smart. Just write down what you've been thinking about, then look back on it, and if it seems whiny, pointless, or selfish, then adjust your mindset. But if it really reflects your true feelings, and you think that it's legitimate concerns or joys, then dwell on it and learn from it.

Danna asked Michelle how she's doing with God, and I was surprised at how honest Shelly was. She said that she believes with her brain all the stuff in the Bible, but it's hard for her to understand the relationship between sovereignty of God and man's accountability. She told us she doesn't think she's saved, but then she said that she's praying and seeking God over it that He would reveal Himself to her. So that really lifted my spirits!

The next day I woke up at 6:20, went back to sleep, woke up again at 7:00, wrote for a while, got up at 8:00, had a cup of tea, and finally kicked them all awake at 9:00 so I wouldn't be the only one up. They weren't so happy with me. But I was! So we went inside and made "waffles." I put that in parentheses because they were loaded with...oatmeal...and tasted kind of weird. But when we piled on whipped cream and strawberry sauce, they weren't so bad.

Then I looked out the window and saw Jordan reading the stuff I wrote. I have to be honest; my reaction was very bad. I ran outside, screaming at him, "PUT THAT DOWN! DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF! LEAVE MY WRITING ALONE!" and I snatched it out of his hand and stormed back in the house. Later I felt like an awful brat when he came in and apologized. So I said sorry...but I still felt like an idiot. We didn't really talk to each other for a couple hours. I can't believe I still act like a little drama queen sometimes; I'm seventeen years old and I want to grow up a little.

Then as I was starting to feel better, Michelle put in a video of Riverdance. Um. Yeah. Okay, so the first 10 minutes was really awesome. And the rocking out violinist (not even kidding, she was HEADBANGING) was crazy cool. But two hours of Irish tapdancing???? AAAAAAGGGHHHH I about went nuts.

Then Mrs. Parks took me home and took my mom to lunch. That's where they are now, and I'm just sitting here admiring my beautiful bruise from yesterday. Seriously, it's all purple and pink and cool. I like it. All in all, it was a really fun time just chilling with my homefries. I love church family.

So how's life with you guys?☺

Hey Mush!

What in the world were you thinking?!? I didn't even see that huge horse coming from 80 miles away. Dogs will be dogs, and kings will be fools. But that doesn't mean we have to feel farther than the sunlight...knife cuts don't matter to brain history anyway.

Blow your bangs out of your face; it's hardly worth the salt and birthrights. I was watching nails pound pound pound yesterday! Her teeth grinding, his fingers burning, my eyes bleeding???? Never!

Yet...it is a phenomenon that creates wishful thinking. Lights in the grass won't change bare eyelashes. Don't tell: I saw the shoulders rising higher HIGHER higher on this pool. YOU CARE!!!! YOU CARE NOT!!!! Ferris wheel dreams aren't as full of laughter as we thought, are they? White and black lovers hiding...I can't stop imagining their torn history of red threads.

HOLY--
HOLY--
HOLY--
HOLY--
HOLY--
nothing.

Crying
by Emily

Life is but a dream, a dream
That passes in and out
Through waves of whisper and of scream
In its ship is tossed about.

Life is but to sleep, to sleep
And hope to one day wake
From never-ending wail and weep
Watching for dawn to break.

And in one one moment of blissful sun
Our Creator shines His grace
On me, a wretched, selfish one
And clouds flee from my face.

Life is sweet, o precious sweet
Each moment alive and strong
I feel my thrilling heart to beat
To the notes of my Maker's song.