"It's my-ee aighteenth birthday-ee tuhday-ee!"

Although I hate that character (and was sort of glad when she died...I'm a spiteful creature!), I've been saying that line all day and will continue to chant it till tomorrow! :D

Which means that today is my eighteenth birthday! Daddy took me out to breakfast eeearrly (I got up at 5:15 and we got to the restaurant at 6:00), where we had a very nice talk. He gave me a gift card to Barnes & Noble, which OF COURSE I was very excited about! It was Cindy's day off, though, so I didn't get free fruit or anything. :( When I got home, Mom gave me some num-nums and tasty juice! Grandma gave me a sweater that is pretty much the softest thing ever. I love my family so very very much (this is not because they give me stuff on my birthday).

I complained, both to others and myself, yesterday about how I really thin that eighteen is too old for me. Not that I am not ready to face up to life (okay, well maybe I'm not, but I'm getting there), but I really ought to be considered as an adult now. Yet, I know I will not be unless I act and think like one. Do I want to? I believe that I do. It's just a slightly difficult transition for me.

I have library work today, and Megan's picking me up afterwards. We, along with Mishmash and Danna, are going to have a really weird slumber party that I am quite positive will result in extreme sleepiness the next day at Courtney's concert. 240 milligrams of caffeine is something that I am quite interested to learn the effects of.

Speaking of concerts, did I tell you guys yet about that concert coming up? On March 22, Jeremy Camp, MercyMe, Hawk Nelson, and Tenth Avenue North are coming here. Best part is, there's no advance purchases of tickets. Just show up at the door and give them $10! I really want to go, and I think that if we get together a big enough group, it could happen...yes it's on a Wednesday, but I never ever miss Wednesday nights. I think that I can be absent just once.

Danna told me on Wednesday that I am very open on my blog. Funny, I always thought that I was rather reserved to what I'm really feeling...I think that certain blogs, which write mostly in secretive allegories, can be more enlightening into the inner thoughts than mine. This is because if you know what you're looking for, it's not that hard to decipher what someone really means by supposed random type.

I met Coralynn yesterday! I have to admit, all the crazy cooing that Michelle and Marinda have been doing over that kid is not over-the-top at all. She's so adorable! Her eyes are enormous, and she's super chubby. Chubby babies are fun to poke. I was quite entertained yesterday by staring her down intensely; I think I either intrigued or disturbed her. Or even better, both! >:)

Which is worse: to be absolutely sure of something, but change your mind several times, or to admit that you really don't know for sure what you think yet--and keep people in the dark as to what you really feel?

My hair is getting really long. Meh, I'm too lazy to go get it cut hehe.

I Hope I Challenge Me

Today I went to a meeting at the library. It was really weird. Out of about fifteen people, I was the only person there under the age of 20. I met some nice people, and learned a lot about how the library works and where it is going, but I was by far the dumbest person there. I did contribute a little, though. My discussion group was on "Diversity" (yes, I volunteered for that group, don't kill me) and I did help somewhat with brainstorming how to integrate that into the county's library system. The biggest thing I got from this meeting was how much the staff loves the library as much as the patrons. They truly are happy to be working there and enthusiastic about making it a better place. I did get a little choked up when I realized that that could be me...and I'm not taking it. I know that God's plan is the right plan, and that's what I really want, but I've never felt so inspired to WORK HARD as the times when I see what librarians can do and get to do. I feel a little like I'm missing out. But not enough to pursue that when I know I won't have time for a career and still be dedicated to my future family. Not a lot of careerist homeschool moms out there.

My birthday is coming up. I think I'm going to just have us go bowling; does that sound okay to you? This will be my last birthday party, in fact I feel too old for it now. But I might as well have one for my eighteenth and then be done with that. :)

Tomorrow is dinner at the Parks house. A few months ago, this would've brought a huge smile to my face and lots of ideas of what Michelle and I can do while I'm there to have crazy fun and maybe finagle a sleepover afterwards. ^^ But now it's different somehow...I don't know that either of us have changed all that much, but--well I take that back. One of us or both must've changed somehow for me to feel like our friendship is different. Maybe it's a part of growing up; Michelle is still very much a teenager and living life in the moment. I do that too, but I think that parts of me are starting to become the person I will be for my whole life. In a week I'll be legally an adult. Isn't it time I start thinking like one?

I got The Two Towers soundtrack from the library today. It's immense. The quality of the disk is crap, though (of course it is, it's from the public library), so it's hard to get into the more emotional parts when you have a "tch tch tch" going in the background constantly. -_- Speaking of Middle-Earth, I started The Silmarillion today. It's from the First Age, which is thousands of years before the Third Age, in which the Lord of the Rings takes place. So far it's interesting; I think I just love having a book to hold and call my own.

The other day, when I went to my bookshelf to get it (Silmarillion), I saw in front of my books someone had put a picture frame. Not really a big thing, it was probably in the way somewhere and got stashed the first place seen. But in the picture frame was a photo of Noah. Even after three months of being resigned to having lost these friends of mine, it broke open anew. I wept for Noah, I wept for Melinda. When will I be able to get past this, if even now it draws tears? I can sort of see how people get loathe to make new friendships or become close to someone, when having them ripped away from you is one of the most painful experiences I can even think of.

I can see my bedroom floor. That is a big deal if you know my room. o.O

Today I finally got back into my library work. They put me on light duty because Kathy, the volunteer coordinator, is super afraid of me breaking my stitches. So I sat and stamped WITHDRAWN on books for two hours. Nothing special in that, but I got to meet a lady named Jeanne (pronounced Jeanie). I almost got to share the gospel with her. We started talking about church, since I mentioned that I go. I asked if she goes to church, and she said no. I asked if she believes in God, and she said yes. Seemed like an open door, right? Well, as soon as I decided to take the conversation beyond that, she sort of--politely--shut it down with a "yeah" and bent closely over her work. :( She was really nice, though, and I was glad to have met her. Maybe someday I'll be able to seriously talk to her about God.

Kathy (aforementioned coordinator) has invited me to be in a meeting which will help give directional ideas to the whole county's library programs! She looked at the types of demographics they want, and noticed homeschooler on the list. So now I get to go to a meeting and discuss what the future of the library should be in our area! Who knows how much I'll be able to contribute, but it's exciting nonetheless. And she told me that it can go on my resume. X)

Only one more LotR installment, and then we're done. I'm quite prepared to keep a box of Kleenex nearby for the more emotional moments. Both :'( and :'). RotK was the first movie that made me :'). I wonder if the other three watching with me will get teary....

I'm reading The Pilgrim's Progress. What a wonderful book! The theology is much deeper than I imagined it to be. And even though it was written hundreds of years ago, the parallels to the Christian life is absolutely relevant and precise.

In my entire brain, there are probably millions of thoughts bumping around. The hard part is deciding which ones to pull out and analyze for all to see...maybe I'll pull a Jeff and be secretive whilst telling people I'm being secretive. ;)

Okay, then another post. My last post is rather jammed with comments. I'll finish that conversation (for the moment) with this: you guys both know him, but unless you think outside the box you won't get it. 8)

I finished school super early today. Like, before 1:00! At first I was like, "Wow, this is nice, more time to just do stuff." Then my mom kicked me off the computer, my writing skills jumped out the window, and so here I am again back on the comp. Waiting to leave for the LIBRARY! I love that place. Makes me smarter.

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow for an MRI on my finger. Never had one of those before, (the MRI, not the finger) so that should be interesting. The only thing I know so far is that I'm not allowed to wear any metal. Aw, durn, gotta take out all my facial piercings. jk don't got none of those.

Later, same day, I'm going to the Teen Library Council meeting. Dad's convinced it's going to be an Obama indoctrination hour, but I think it looks pretty harmless. Basically just planning stuff like a reading week or a field trip. I will probably be the oldest kid there, but I hope it's not going to be just junior high kids...and one senior. XP

Oh guess what!!!!!! I got an email back about volunteering at the library fo shiz! I have a meeting on Monday morning to figger out a schedule of volunteer hours for me. I'm really REALLY happy about this. If anybody's got to get some books for something or other, make sure you come talk to me! I can wait to put books in shelves, help people find stuff, and "sh!" all the obnoxious children. hehehe not even kidding.

Today in writing class I was supposed to write the best compliment someone has ever given me. I finally settled on something Bama said a year or so ago, but it was rather disconcerting how long I had to think before I remembered someone saying something nice about me. No worries, though, I'll be a great, mature person in the future to make up for it. Or as close as someone like me can get....

*eep* I think I just smeared eyeliner all over my nose. Durnit.

Rips in the Wings

Short post today.

I feel simultaneously secure, comfortable...and jittery, unsure. Not a good feeling. Don't even ask; it's one of those strange Emily schizophrenic moments that makes me want to hurt myself. I have been getting a little less confident about things lately. Everything from my walk with God to my likeability to my friendships to my looks to my family to--well I just have been having a lot of stupid doubts.

I'm reading the Randy Alcorn book Heaven. It was assigned to me by my mom, but I think I'm really going to enjoy it. He obviously can't possibly know all about heaven, but at least I know he truly searched the Word and has come to his conclusions with prayer and faithfulness.

Sometimes I guess we get caught up in living for God here (which is what we're supposed to do!) that we forget: every believer gets to spend all of ETERNITY worshiping God, loving Him, and communing with him--with all other believers from all time! What a gift the Lord has in store for us!

I did a computer test thingy--I entered my photo into a program to see what "celebrity" I look like. I did it with a few other girlfriends too. Michelle, Megan, and Danna. They ALL came out as looking like gorgeous, glamorous movie star ladies. I came out as Bill Gates. Typical. :'(

So I just got my ear pierced on the left side yesterday. Bishelly came with and we had fun. It looks pretty good too. Next one is possibly going to be a little hoop in the side of the ear. But I don't know yet. Maybe a little nose stud? When I get older, I'm almost definitely getting a tattoo on my ankle. None of these things have been okay'd by my parents...yet. They may change their minds yet. ;)

Mom and Lily did the first campout shopping today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (that's 23 exclamation points) That's exciting!!!

I think I'll end every post with a verse reference. But I'll just do the reference (it'll make you guys look it up yourselves haha) So go read...James 1:2-7. idk I just really love everything in James.

Blogging? More like slogging...

I'd like to start off by saying that I myself did not delete that paragraph or those comments. That was my mother. My parents have made the decision that I will not be seeing The Dark Knight. My feelings on the subject shall remain undisclosed.

I haven't been posting for several reasons. One, my family did some stuff for the first couple days of the week. Dad had Monday and Tuesday off, so we spent the time together. My favorite place was the lavender farm we went to. Have any of you guys ever been to a lavender farm? It's purple and peaceful and smells AMAZING! I found myself singing hymns and dancing in the sprinklers like an idiot. And the nice lady who owned the place runs a little business; she gives you a zip-tie and lets you fit as much lavender as you can in it for $5.
Daddy also bought some lavender-mint tea, which I am drinking right now (quite good).

On Wednesday I saw the Parks again for the first time in two weeks (two weeks is longer than it seems)! Megan and I spent the night at their house and we three (me, Megs, and Bichelly) slept on the tramp. I always love that. Megan had to leave at 9:00 the next morning, which was stinky for all. Meaning, Michelle and I didn't get to hang with her as long as we'd have liked, and she had to go to work on five and a half hours of sleep! XP

Today started out good and ended badly. Even though it's not over yet. This morning, Mom, Lily, and I went shopping and I scored a major find at Kohl's Early Bird Sale. So far, so good. Then we did some other running around town. The weather was nice, and the stores we went to weren't boring. Still not a bad day. We came home, and I sat down to read a novel. The rest of the family was watching a movie, so I had some nice alone-time in the living room. Then when the movie finished, they all came into the living room. I was surprised and rather ashamed at how irritated I was that they were chattering and banging around so fast after their movie finished. I mean, they weren't acting any different than usual...I just was being more of a recluse than normal. So here it starts to get grumpified.
I decided to do some proofreading for Muriel on her story, "The Blood on the Sidewalk," when I remembered that I had lost it. Bad feeling in pit of stomach. Guilt, embarrassment, annoyance at myself for being so careless. I'm probably going to have to reprint out the first draft and have her mark out the corrections AGAIN. That was a major goof on my part.
Next, I decide to look for my missing makeup bag. Note: my makeup is not irreplaceable, nor is it completely necessary.
But it's expensive. And tomorrow is Sunday.
So I start digging around in my stuff, to no avail. It's not there. Either it is buried in some hidden corner of my room (doubtful) or it's at the church. In which case, someone may have moved it or taken it thinking it was theirs.
So now I'm getting upset. I've lost two things that I consider important! Frustrated, I decide to start on my new novel from the library. Now, this isn't a book I checked out; it's a book that I got from completing the summer reading program. It's MINE. So I ask Mom, "Hey, where is that book I gave you to put in your briefcase at the library?" You can guess the response.
"You never gave me a book at the library."
So I scramble around my room, the bookshelves in the family room, even the car. It's not there. I dig through Mom's entire briefcase, hoping she's wrong about this. Of course she's not.
You guys don't understand how I feel about books, so this next sentence is going to seem very ridiculous.
I shut myself in my room and cried. Big, hot tears all over the knees of my pants. Dead serious.

Tomorrow's softball picnic should be sort of fun.

Aaaahhhh...Peace and Quiet

After two weeks of rubbing a cheese grater on my nerves, my cousin has gone back home. I did enjoy having him here, but two weeks is a long time. He kept saying stupid stuff like, "I am chocolate!" or "Good job," and patting me on the arm. I probably embarrassed him because I started shrugging him off and twitching away when he would pat my shoulder or whatever. It was just a little too much!

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Mommy's painting the family room. Shhhhhh it's a surprise for my dad! It actually looks really great; nice tan color with a little brown glow. And we're getting a bunch of bookshelves for our library. That I am REALLY excited about. Imagine: a whole wall, crammed with all kinds of books imaginable! You probably can't guess how important that is to me.
I have five books to read by the end of summer. That's not including the six I already read. I hope I get it all done! Maybe I'll finish really early and be able to cram in another one. Books are from heaven.

and and and wth

This morning my mom, sister, and I helped Bama set up a tent canopy type thing. She's having a garage sale in a couple weeks. Some of my stuff is going in it, so may be I'll make some MONEH!!! lol probably not; I only put my junk in the garage sale pile hehe.
I made that chocolate cake I mentioned before. It has to refrigerate overnight before it's any good though, so that'll be perfect timing for Megan's party tomorrow! I'm still wearing the apron; I probably should put it away, but it just looks so wicked awesome on me. jk
Daddy's taking me shooting tomorrow.
....................................not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is still kind of scared. But you know what? Matthew 10:29 says, "Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will." God's got everything under control, even my clumsy hands holding a gun.
I'm writing again! I've started scribbling down pieces of a new story. It's tons harder than writing poetry; a fair poem can be written in like, 10 minutes sometimes. My best poems have taken me less than half an hour. A story, especially one I want to expand into possibly a novel, is a long-term project. I don't like long-term projects. But I love books, so I think it's time I exercise my mind a little and make a novel myself.

And I Think it's Gonna Been a Long Long Time

Sorry it's been so long! I got grounded from the computer for back-talking my dad. But here I am again, ready to talk your ears off.

I hate bowling. I went yesterday with my friends, and discovered something. There's nothing worse than, when you get a gutter ball, to realize you have to...turn around...and see all your friends...with huge grins on their faces. Trying to be nice. It's pure humiliation. Does anybody agree with me here?

I just heard something from my mom and sister: Randy Alcorn has a third book followup to Deadline and Dominion! It's called Deception. I can't wait to read it! If you guys have ever read Alcorn's fiction, you know how good he is.

Michelle's coming to spend the night tonight, and then we're going shopping tomorrow with a bunch of girlfriends! This is actually the first time my mom's letting me go shopping with friends without her. Mostly because up until now, my BFF wasn't 18 and most of my friends didn't have cell phones. So yeah, it'll be fun. Charlie and Robbie BEGGED to tag along, but we had to say no. We need a girls day!

I want to try martial arts.